Friday, December 23, 2005

the sound of toilets flushing

more taxes swirl down the S-bend
No wonder our local TV programming is so absymal, there's no cash left in the kitty to produce quality shows after forking out exorbitant golden handshakes to ex-employees. Melanie Jones, gets a $200K Christmas prezzy from TVNZ. Defending the indefensible, the pock-marked one is adamant she's:
"a highly professional journalist, editor & producer [with] demanding standards and news judgment... highly dedicated to her craft and... will make a very positive contribution to any news organisation"
Which makes you wonder why he sacked her in the first place. The trouble with hiring Labour apparatchiks is, despite their loyalty to the Party, they're like cockcroaches: repulsive, unwelcome, always return & are frightfully expensive to fumigate.

Osama alert... in prisons with Guards reminded to be vigilant against potential terrorist inmates. Should be a cinch: just keep a close eye on the non-pork eaters, the ones named "Mohammed" and the others with a rag-tied head - easy! Article cites a wary Winny, worried Maori gang-members being wooed into religious fanaticism. Don't worry Mr Peters, eventually they'll be paroled, and before y'can say "apostasy," they'll be skulling, toking & bonking up large. Not to mention those massive feeds of puha & bacon bones - it's the 'Maori' way. Kia ora.

The meek shall inherit the earth... after they're done marking exams. NZQA (top) Dog, Karen Sewell, quivers timidly about potentially "Offending Anyone" while assessing school kids. Soaring to new heights of PC stratosphere, the "protected list" swells to include not just students & mandatory freaks-wogs-fags crowd, but also the Nats, our 'noble' Fast-Food Industry & even, believe or not, American politicians! Dunno why they get a pass, our press have been slamming 'em (the "Pubbies", anyway) since dangly chads first discovered in Florida, 2000. God Defend NZ... from our insane, befuddled educrats!

Congratulations, Daniel Carter, on receiving NZ Rugby Player's Player of The Year. Way to go, pretty boy! What a shame it went to a South Islander. Anyone else think we should sell the Sth Island to the Yanks to use as nuke-testing ground? I reckon we'd get at least 500 bucks. And those big, glowing mushroom clouds would sure look real pretty from here across the Strait - just like Guy Fawkes, only bigger! Ahh, just daydreaming... imagining a Perfect Christmas... Congrats also, Young Player of The Year, Piri Weepu, from lovely & - take note, Radioactive Mainlanders - "Nuclear-Free" Wellington (even if they did take down our sign at the airport).

Apologies to the NZHerald, whom I incorrectly labeled the Worst NZ news website re partisan leftist bias. That honour, of course, rightfully belongs to They announce their 2005 Best Movies with the Obese Commie Talent-free Slob coming out tops. Oh heck, I unfortunately managed to miss seeing every single one of them. Pity and real shame.

1 comment:

george said...

Love your blog phil. Pity you live in Poneke.

The best view of that nuke free town of potential earthquakes is over the stern.