Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year... (sorta)

Happy New Year, everybody! .... and get stuffed! Yup, you read that right. "Why the unnecessary hostility on such a festive occasion?" you ask. Well, I had a disturbing realisation: I'm a complete prick who makes enemies in all places, at all times. It's true. Every relationship I've ever had has wound up a disaster; every friendship ended in acrimony; every romance resulted in tears (and restraining orders).

The following pattern always repeats: intro > bonding > trust > intimacy > disagreement > squabbling > death threats > violence > court hearings > unending hatred.

So I thought, "why bother? why not just begin hating folks from the get-go and save everybody's time?"

Anyhow, all you left-wingers who already hate me... hang on... start again. All you left-wingers, right-wingers, centrists, and 'undecided' who hate me, you'll be delighted knowing I had an absolute crap past 12 months. 2007 was a vintage year for misery. Wretchedly unhappy, with drama galore, besieged by conflict at every turn, I was a walking-talking soap opera. So be pleased, my foes, but enjoy your schadenfreude soon coz I'm cheering up quickly at the delicious prospect of making new enemies.

Right then, let's get down to business. Who shall I war with first? So many juicy targets: socialists, greenies, Aucklanders, islamists... one is truly spoiled for choice. Umm... eenie meenie minie moe... and today's winner is... [drum roll....] ...objectivist libertarians!

Recently I saw a photo of them protesting at the anti-Electoral Finance Bill rally, with tape over their mouths symbolising suppression of free speech. I couldn't help but think (wishfully): what a great idea, why can't they all tape up their mouths? - permanently! That way we'd never have to listen to them spouting long-winded, indecipherable Ayn Rand quotes. Ever notice that the anti-theist, Rand, encouraged people to be non-conformists and free-thinkers, and yet her adherents blindly follow her, lemming-like off the atheist cliff. Please, God - let there be some nice, sharp rocks at the bottom of that cliff.

Y'know, I might disable comments on this post just to deny those Rand-style libs a right of reply, thereby violating their precious 'freedom of speech.' Should they moan about it, I'll have a gargantuan big hissy-fit about 'property rights' on MY blog [sound familar, blibbertarians?] But I won't bore you anymore talking about objectivists, that's what Rand's books are for. And in the meantime:

Happy New Year, everybody (except for Randy libertarians). Actually, no - I DEMAND they have a happy new year, whether they want to or not. In fact, I hope the government passes a new law mandating that everyone, especially objectivists, MUST have a happy new year - coz that'll really annoy them (hee hee hee.)

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