Sunday, January 06, 2008

Same crap, Different year

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
I turn 41 today but don't even think about wishing me "Happy Birthday." I've too much to pout about being destitute with a grievously ill wife in hospital and six hungry kids to feed. You can see why I'm in no mood for cheer.

Anyway, the astrologically aware will note I'm a capricorn, which is the dullest, most boring, and depressing of signs. Our so-called 'best' qualities are caution and thrift. Is that cause for celebration? Who wants to party with a scaredy-cat miser? I blame it on my mother. If she'd waited 2 weeks, I'd be an exciting glamorous Aquarius; 2 weeks earlier, a charismatic fun-loving Sagittarius. But no, my mum had to spit me out in the suckiest part of the zodiac. (Gee, some women are so selfish and thoughtless like that). Capricorn's worst traits are crass materialism and the tendency to ruthlessly exploit people.

But who cares, I've no time for horoscope nonsense being too busy installing a paypal button on this blog. The truth is I'm desperate for dollars, and any donations would sure be appreciated. This isn't one of those tug-at-your-heart-strings, meanwhile-a-little-girl-waits, guilt-tripping appeals, but for once I'd like to feed my children something other than scraps from public rubbish bins or globs of old bubblegum scraped up from the footpath. I can only dream of being able to afford even a newspaper to protect us from Wellington's fierce wind gusts and torrential rains in the bus stop we call home. Then there's my wife's life-saving operation she urgently needs next week and which must be pre-paid. If I can't quickly find the cash, then...

...oh well, I guess my six pre-school children don't really need a mother.

But don't let my woes spoil your good mood. Enjoy your frivolity and wasteful extravagant lifestyles. I'll get by... somehow. In the meantime you have fun (since I won't be) and feel free to push my paypal button. Take care, people, and be wary of those manipulative capricorns!


Jimmy Jangles said...

Where's the button? ;)

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday - belated Phil. I'm sorry for your troubles.

Anonymous said...

I get it - you're kidding.

Phil said...

Ruth #2 - Yup :-)

Ruth #1 - Thank you!

JJ - I had to feed the button to my kids.

Anonymous said...

whadda funny dude - My eyeballs have turned to sand from not being able to blink while reading your blogs - too scared I might miss something - lucky I'm not incontinent - I'd be a mess by now