Tuesday, January 24, 2006

the awful truth

frank admission
How do you tell first-date they have spinach between teeth? Or hubby he's a crap root? Never easy, is it? Dispensing with all delicacies, Landcare Research fronts up about country's worst kept grubby secret: Auckland achieves acclaim as world's weediest city. Not sure if they mean their men-folk or what. As if we needed another reason to stay away from there. Is anyone truly surprised? I almost feel embarrased for them being global laughing-stock, still, it's good the truth's finally out & we don't need to tip-toe 'round it anymore.
"There are nearly 20,000 exotic.. species in Auckland & more than 200 of them are noxious weeds"
I've been harping on about that for years, but everyone just keeps calling me a racist xenophobe. Sheesh.

Betcha I hate it...
"You'll love it or hate it" warns sappy director, Vince Ward, about latest film slop The River Queen, premiering in Wanganui. It's traditional to review movie after actually seeing it, but kiwi crap's so predictable, why bother forking out admission fee? In syrupy mould of equally atrocious, Whale Rider, a plucky heroine embarks on perilous quest, defying odds, cultural impediments & other insurmountable obstacles to emerge victorious, just, and saintly. Another girly cartoon dressed in Maori drag against wop background. Expect lingering close ups of furrowed brows, agonised expressions & tear-choked sighs as our lead gawps emotively through every mascara-smudging scene. If I wanted to watch 90 minutes of blubbing angst, I'd get some teenaged girls drunk. If I need conflict & bloodshed for entertainment, I'll visit my family instead.

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