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who let the dogs out?
Linda Clark leaves RNZ. Thank goodness. One less screeching harpy to shill for the hard left. Not that it'll matter, Radio Labour will no doubt find similarly rancorous replacement. Future career plans for Linda include becoming a scarecrow or the title role in movie Pinocchio (no special make-up effects needed). How this truly repulsive character ever managed to earlier appear on TV remains an inscrutable mystery: she had zero charisma, a belligerent attitude & is just plain hideous homely! Frightful to look at, irritating to listen to, a detestable personality with equally unattractive politics - she's a True Mutt: ugly to the bone! Go home, Fido! Someone call the pound!

Hang up
Conservation Minister unable to sustainably manage cellphone resources chalking up near $13K bill in latest taxpayer expenditure outrage. He's obviously not calling hubby since Mr Carter (already most expensive travelling MP) spends over $2K weekly commuting companion. What to make of his profligate prattling? His eye perhaps on post as London High Commisioner? He appears supremely qualified. He could then upgrade civil union to full blown marriage, just like Elton John. If Chris' taxi bills start making headlines we'll know John Hunt's tenure is very shakey indeed.

Daddy's girl
Sub-human Christchurch lovers botch attempt at offing old man. Rebuffing reunification, daughter decides dad should die. Homicidal humorists hatch plan for prankish patricide:

"She andboyfriend & another youth decided to murder the father & dump his body in the Waimakariri River. The court heard it was a bad joke (!!!) that turned sour"

Sounds hilarious. Murder with mirth. Oh, those wacky Cantabrians! Real funny, huh! Joke's on us with jelly-spined judge not jailing reprehensible reprobate. Cuddling kid-killers should be a crime. Our court system's comical & it's no laughing matter.

Voodoo alert
PC ablaze with bicultural apartheid forced on Nelson firefighters as memorandum signed between Volunteer fire brigades & touchy, precious, thin-skinned local Maoris. Most disturbing is ridiculous dictum, delivered by supportive local Fire Chief himself, soon to be implemented nationwide. Has our collective sanity gone up in smoke? Outrage flimsily justified as a response to 6 year old car crash:

"Mistakes were made in the way firefighters allowed members of the local Maori community access to the accident scene"

This is Obscene! Is there a culturally appropriate way to die in a car crash or burning building? Or a uniquely Maori way to rescue victims? This latest manifestation of rampaging PC-sickness needs extinguishing. Maori have NO special rights granting privilege to accident scenes - particularly when Pakeha perish in Pakeha roads & buildings. Perhaps indignant iwi, in keeping with tradition, should live solely in thatched huts, travelling only by canoe to avoid insensitive roadways & 'racist' rescuers.

identity crisis
National nominal navel-gazing with Census option for Kiwi/ NZ/ Pakeha/ European/ White/ Caucasians to define distinctive selfhood & forge favoured linguistic label. "Who cares?" and "What's it to ya!" arguments aside, just like an internet meme, it's a fun riddle we all play when filling out forms.

Monself? I'm 'half-caste' - or 'mulatto' as I now insist with suitably exotic theatrical flair. Dad's a Pom [friggin' foreigners!] & mum's from the Coast. That's "East" Coast for you wayward linguistic-contrarian mainlanders. When I enrolled at Uni, I chose 'Maori' - gotta do something to lift those woeful Maori education stats! Whenever I'm arrested, become unemployed or otherwise disgraced, I insist on being recorded as Pakeha/NZ European. That's just my own humble li'l iwi-wide contribution to 'readdressing ethnic disparities' - gosh I'm philanthrophic! ;-)

Have fun 'whoever' you are this census, all Kiwis, NZers, Others & Unspecifieds!
"God Defend our Free Land!"