I Don't Always Hate Others
Today is International Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO). Now aint that special! I suppose we're not allowed to tell those sick, sodomite perverts exactly what we think of them. Of course our Labour Party, pinker than an albino's A-hole, is hard out, vigorously promoting this vile, unnatural lifestyle which is implaccably opposed to my religion, my core beliefs, my deepest held feelings, and those of my family. Well let me tell you what I think of Idaho and queers. You're all a bunch of filthy deviant mutant fag bast*rds who repulse & disgust me with gut-wrenching abhorrence. So just coz it's Be Nice To Fags Day, I sure as hell won't go out 'celebrating' loathsome, repugnant sex practices, the very thought of which completely & utterly revolts me to the core!
After all, today is Wednesday which is LOST night. I'll stay home to watch Jack, the action star of this phenomenal series. Jack - an astonishingly handsome lead actor; soulful, liquid eyes highlight a melting mesmerising beauty. Gotta hand it to American TV, they sure know how to pick their cheesecakes. And they know how to structure plots around maximum exposure. Any excuse for Jack to show off his stunningly impressive torso.
"Oh no, my plane just crashed, I have a wound and need to take my shirt off to nurse it!"
"Oh no, someone's drowning at sea, I need to take my shirt off to dive in & rescue them"
"Oh no, we're being attacked by a swarm of bees, I must take my insect-ridden shirt off to avoid being stung"
And why not? If ya got it, flaunt it! He's got the kind of terrific bod you'd love to... you wouldn't mind... that makes you wanna... y'know, not fag stuff or anything sick like that, but... maybe just a wee playful wrestle?
I'm talking a leedle harmless tomfoolery here. It's not what it sounds like...
So Jack & I got a bit boisterous the other time, so what? Oh, come on! Look, we were both drunk out of our minds... & there was only one single-bed in the cheap hotel we stayed at... & it was the middle of summer, the air conditioning was broken so we had to sleep with no clothes on... & the mattress was lumpy so there was lots of tossing & turning...
But you don't think we actually... Oh, fag-get about it!
What? Are you calling me a queer? Come here and say that and I'll kick your (hot, tight, sweet, hairy li'l) ass!