Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Happy New Year!

"ka pu te ruha, ka hao te rangatahi"
the old net is put aside, the new net goes fishing

Out with old, in with the new

Today is Matariki, the New Year. A time of renewal when we turn over a new leaf, shed another layer of skin, and other cliches. Today I celebrate Matariki. Yes, I know I was whining about it yesterday, but that was last year, that was the old me. Today I emerge afresh! As is customary on the New Year, a resolution. I will henceforth...

Be nice
It's true I've previously insulted many people (who, quite frankly deserved it, imho). The list includes... [take a deep breath, and...] muslims, socialists, journalists, Aucklanders, gays, feminists, academics, the United Nations, South Islanders, atheists, teachers, politicians, musicians, lawyers, judges, bureaucrats, Maoris, Pakehas, foreigners, and... oh, just about everyone else.

If that list includes you, please know that there was never any malice in my heart, that my criticisms were meant as a corrective for Your Own Good, to put you on the right track - so to speak. Like that stern disciplinarian schoolteacher you always loathed and feared, one day you'll realise: "Yes! Phil was right! I'm so grateful
he was there to chastise me when needed, to guide me and point out the errors of my ways, and to gently coax me into becoming the wonderful, outstanding success I am today!"

Dear people, as painful as my admonitions may have seemed at the time, they were - I submit - necessary.
'Tough love' as they say. One day you'll thank me! But for now, my seemingly unlimited supply of bile exhausted, I shall instead endeavour:
  • to radiate love and happiness and goodwill to all peoples!
  • to inspire & uplift my fellow humans!
  • to rejoice and celebrate ALL mankind!
Well... everyone except for those Labour-voting twits, idiot vegetarians, wimpy peace-protesters & dipstick environmentalists. And if you seriously think I'm gonna start saying nice things about Australians, you're a bigger mug than I thought!

But other than that...

Peace! Love! Joy! And all those other nice things!

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