Friday, November 03, 2006

A load of old Pollocks bollocks?

Record-breaking robbery
If you thought the Stern Report was a pile of expensive dribble, you aint seen nuttin'.
Jackson Pollock - the New York abstract painter whose most famous works resemble the messy aftermath of a paint-flinging fight in an art class - has the last laugh at his multitude of sneering critics. His painting, No. 5, 1948, sells for a record $140 million ($NZ 207 mil). A mountain of moolah for something that looks like a two year old baby's bib after a hearty meal of spaghetti, chocolate mousse & raspberry sauce.

After years of loathing Pollock as an overrated phoney, I've relented and now consider his work... well, if not 'great art,' then at least 'interesting wallpaper.'

The next time you have an accident in your garage, knocking over half empty cans of used paint, don't reach for the turps or call the cleaners. Frame it, give your creation a suitably vague title, and call yourself an "abstract artist." Who knows? You might find yourself exhibiting, hailed as the next 'big thing' and fleecing some rich sucker (with far more money than taste) with your 'masterpieces.' Alternatively, you could give me $50 and a couple of bottles of cheap wine. I'll get drunk, pull out a canvas, then slosh up a painting for you to hang on a gallery wall. Priceless.

3 comments:

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Wasn't this the same pissed or spaced out dauber who extracted megabucks from Gough Whitlam and his scabby mates?

Rob Good said...

I think that someone might have been on Absinthe or something stronger when purchasing this form of art.

Sharon Ferguson said...

Because of Red Dwarf, now everytime I see a Pollock I think of Lister describing a visit to the Eiffel Tower while deeply drunk, going to the top and throwing up over the edge. When he got back down to the ground, someone had sold the resultant "fall" as a Pollock to some Texan tourist.