Friday, January 26, 2007

Australia Day

Happy Birthday Oz!
Wishing all Australians a festive day! For reasons unexplained, I always thought Oz day was January 1st [could be NZ's education system: dunno bugger all but my self-esteem's sky high]. Whatever. Cheers Ozzies, wherever you are! Yes, it does seems odd - unpatriotic almost - to wish them well. After all, if there's two things we don't like, it's Ozzies and Aucklanders (and poms, and the french, and... well, foreigners in general, actually). But fret not, it's only one day a year... there's always 364 others to revile them - plus a bonus in leap years.

Anyhow, this most definitely isn't an Ozzy-bashing post. Especially not on such a significant calendar date. Enjoy a nice anniversary, neighbours! God bless all the men and women (and the families of those) serving in the ADF. Thank you for your efforts in the global war on terror, which make NZ's look embarrassing.

Let all kiwis appreciate the Lucky Country. We're fortunate indeed, indebted in fact, as they're the only thing separating us from the world's most populous moozlim country. Our miniscule armed forces could never resist the invading swarms of islamic savages. So thanks all Diggers, for saving our future bacons! We'll gratefully play swooning helpless maiden to your chivalrous knight on horseback. On ya mates! Happy Oz Day! Have a good one, and a cold one for me!


Phil said...

DISCLAIMER: This post was blogged under extreme duress. Thank goodness that pot-bellied, Castlemaine-slurping, prawn in gob-stuffing, dangly cork hat-donning Yobbo with an itchy trigger-finger & gun sticking in my temple has gone. T'was terrifying to be blog-jacked like that. Forever I'll be wracked with haunted, horrifying memories... the needlessly violent kidnapping... the imminent threat of death... and that ghastly, grating, get-on-your-nerves accent!

fm said...

Bastard! I was just about to type out a heartfelt thank you and what do I find but these weasel words hidden in the comments. Perfidious bloody Kiwis. And I notice your girlfriend has been putting the hard word on Kylie's Frenchman. Typical. Well you're on the list buddy. Hope you're not planning any stopovers in any future travels to the north or west. I have left instructions that you are to be dragged from the aircraft and force-fed XXXX whilst watching non-stop episodes of Neighbours. Maybe then you'll learn some manners!

Phil said...

ARRGGHHH!!! That's him, everybody! That's him! The crazy Ocker who held me at gunpoint and forced me to write that post! I'd recognise those twangy vowels, mutilated diphthongs, and corrupt speech patterns anywhere.

You'll never get away with it - the cops are on to you. You left your fingerprints all over the esky and great big thong prints on my front lawn. Plus I wrote down the license plate of your beat-up old Holden.

This incident is serious enough to declare war on Ozzy. Right now, the RNZAF are sending a Hercules over to Oz to.... break down, or something. But then our pilots are gonna get out and... throw stones at you.

I just hope they don't fire back at us. Heck, I know it's a war, but nobody said anything about guns :-)