Thursday, March 22, 2007


Michelle - ma belle...

D'ya think it's normal for a middle-aged man to develop a huge schoolboy crush on a TV actress? Picture it: a lonely old man driven near-mad fantasising about some remote, unobtainable object of love that will never be. Rather sad and pathetic, isn't it?


Well anyway, it's not me. But I've got this, umm... 'friend'... and his wild infatuation with Michelle Rodriguez has ballooned into a full-time, all-encompassing obsession. So much so, that he spends countless hours online collecting her pics, info & video clips. The pics are no trouble, but it takes forever downloading (dial-up) those mpegs to my computer. Er, ...I mean my friend's computer. Anyhow, he e-mailed me a pic which 'somehow' got into my internet browser and 'mysteriously' ended up posted on my blog. Amazing! Dunno how it happened (must be a computer virus, or a flaw in Windows software. Hope Microsoft have a patch)

I must say though, she does look a Beautiful Love Goddess in that photo. Yup, there's definitely something smoking smouldering HOT about a pretty woman in a cop uniform. An American cop uniform, that is. As for kiwi cop outfits - on seeing that NZ blue, we Maoris are genetically designed to RUN!! and get the hell outta there! What is it about police garb that's so seductive? Maybe it's the 'power as an aphrodisiac' thing? Or maybe after a lifetime of (unsuccessfully) pursuing women, the thought of one chasing me is extremely appealing.

Anyway, my friend's experiencing trauma. Last night in an internet chat room, among the delirious company of other helplessly besotted MR fanboys, the unbearable truth was disclosed that Michelle has a... [this is incredibly painful to type] ...has a... fiancee in real life. Someone who's not me :-(
We're both grief-stricken. Nothing we've tried can console us. Not alcohol, not psychotherapy, not lobotomies - nothing!

We might try prayer, but the thing is, we're unsure God would look kindly upon our lustful hearts. The whole, "thou shalt not commit adultery" thing. Although technically, we haven't... yet, so hopefully that's not an issue. As for, "thou shall not covet your neighbour's wife" - strictly speaking, MR's man is American. We're Kiwis - and Ozzy, not the US, is our neighbour. So that's that base covered.

Thank heavens my friend & I are both Anglicans. Although there's many conservative strains within the Church of England, in America (where MR and her scum-boyfriend live), one Episcopalian schism has a very lenient doctrine. So if we search long enough, we're bound to find an extremely liberal vicar to reassure us it's ok to fancy another's beau. After all, God is Love - and we love MR, and Jesus wants us to be happy, right?

Hallelujah! Our prayers are answered! Praise the Lord!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

LMFAO. Who told you that? They were messing with you.