Monday, March 26, 2007

That time of the month....

Annoying prat of the month:
My niece & nephew are staying with me. Their school dentist rings up and starts nutting off at me about the poor state of their teeth. I don't suffer bellicose fools very well, so I tell her flatly exactly where she can shove her drills & injections, and hang up.

Paranoid suspicion of the month:
Fearful she'll retaliate by unnecessarily torturing niece & nephew on their next trip to the dentist, I visit school principal to relay my worries. He is very cool and assures me there'll be no trouble. But while there, I reluctantly get roped into a school fundraising assignment: selling chocolate bars.

Irony of the month:
Students are forbidden to eat chocolate in the schoolyard because of school's 'anti-obesity' policies, yet the very same students are encouraged to sell them to raise funds.

Catch-22 of the month:
Despite constant moaning about the little 'socialist indoctrination factories', I always help out at niece & nephews' school when asked. Why? It's the anger/guilt dilemma. I can either say "no" and be burdened with malingering contrition, or say "yes" and burn with festering resentment. I always say "yes," as anger is easier to deal with than guilt.

Horrible chore of the month:
Having to sell $2 chocolate bars to raise funds. Anyone wanna buy $120 worth of caramello? Man, I HATE selling things! My retail skills are zero: "D'ya wanna buy the friggin things, or not?" Yeah, so my sales pitch needs a little tweaking. But (imo) pleading with folks to part with their cash is like begging or hitch-hiking. My pride simply will not allow me to stoop that low.

Vicious cycle of the month:
I have 60 unsold chocolate bars sitting on my table which I'll have to pay for, since no way will I demean myself by beseeching others to purchase them. I hate chocolate and never eat it, but niece & nep' - like most kids - are crazy for it. I know they'll keep hinting & hounding me 'til I eventually cave in. So fine! I get some peace and they get to munch 'til their lil' hearts are content - much to the detriment of their teeth. So now I just know that the horrible school dentist is gonna ring me up once more and here we go again....

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