Sunday, August 19, 2007

square eyes

I'm bored, so I've decided to have a personal crisis, hoping to add colour and spice to an otherwise grey, drab existence (besides, in dreary ol' New Zealand, we have to make our own fun.) Sure, some may feel it's the height of tastelessness to wallow in neurotic self-absorption online with all the world as one's witness. But if folks weren't meant to engage in undignified public displays of mawkish self-pity, they never would've invented the Oprah Winfrey show.

Anyhow, my latest meltdown concerns the tyranny of the TV set. Whether it be movies or games, I spend far too much time in front of the box and it's rotting my brain, ruining my health and wrecking my real-life relationships. For instance, I spent Saturday getting a major butt-whopping by my nephew on Playstation. He thrashed me at every-damn-thing: kung-fu, wrestling, shooting, racing... can you imagine the resentment and frustration at being pummelled by an 8 year-old?

I retired in disgust, demanding his dad allow me access to his impressive DVD collection as payment for babysitting duties. So I grab a stack of movies featuring the greatest thespians in film history: Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Snipes, Van Damme, Norris, Eastwood. I doze off to blissful images of gunfire, car chases, explosions, and fist fights. I dream I'm my ultimate tough-guy superhero, Steven Seagall, adroitly trouncing a passle of malefactors: criminals, hoodlums, evildoers, the Australian rugby team (and my 8 year-old nephew).

Yet woe betide me. I awaken still brimming with unspent aggression, yet exhausted through lack of exercise. It appears my action-craving couch potato lifestyle has exacted a hefty price, both physical and spiritual. I have Bhudda's curvaceous figure, yet none of his calm repose.

I conclude that I watch too many movies. As a corrective to this dumbing-down, I'm pondering whether to eschew TV and instead acquaint myself with complex, challenging, and ultimately educational works of the world's great literature, like Plato's Republic, or Sun Tzu's The Art of War, or even Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov. A good idea?

Nahhh!! I think I'll save all that trouble reading and just wait till they come out on DVD.


Mrs Smith said...

I was having a personal crisis too, but it got boring. Anyway, I had a drink and it went away.

Anonymous said...

ever thought of getting a job?

T. Ne'emia said...


I hear there's a vacancy at Trade & Commerce after one of the trainers was fired for abusing a woman case manager.

But you already know about that, right DC? (oops, I mean "Anonymous")

Phil said...

Mrs Smith, I tried your 'drinking' advice. I had a tray of martinis for breakfast, then a bottle of Scotch for lunch...

By time dinnertime came around, the riot police turned up and hauled me off to the police cells. Which in turn begat another crisis...

So you can see why I'm now rather reluctant to follow another blogger's advice, although I appreciate that you did mean well and your intentions were noble and true.

PS - any chance you could bail me out? Perhaps we could go for drinks afterward...?