Friday, January 04, 2008

Random Movie Review

An absolute fireball of a movie with not a whiff of politics but plenty of fast-paced, heart-pounding hoopla. Dispensing with cliched cinematic devices (like story line, character development, social realism, etc) the narrative is simple: our hero must rescue his wife who's been kidnapped by ruthless, murderous bandits (stop me if you've already heard this plot) Mass destruction ensues. The lead role is played by World Wrestling Entertainment champ, John Cena, a muscle-bound and ruggedly handsome hulk who possesses surprising dexterity for such a big chap. Displaying the lithe grace of an Olympic diver, he dodges torrents of bullets, somersaults from exploding buildings, and performs extraordinary leaps resulting in bone-crunching mid-air collisions, slams, and drives. We cheer as miscreants are pasted and pounded through shattering glass, splintering furniture, and fiery infernos.

I've one trifling gripe. Innumerable cachets of ammunition are expended in this movie, so it's slightly disappointing the film omitted any scenes showing characters firing two guns simultaneously - one in each hand (preferably while flying through the air) - a standard act so familiar to us through classics such as The Matrix, Bad Boys, and Resident Evil. But given the intense inflammatory action, spectacular detonations and high body count, my criticism is unduly harsh and petty. [SPOILER: Not all the bad guys survive]

Your young sons will love this movie. And if not... well, don't blame me for their psychological damage caused by your appalling child-raising practices. You shouldn't be watching movies anyway, but saving money for your kids' future psychiatrist bills - you bad parent, you!

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