Saturday, January 05, 2008

Single Male Maori seeking...

The love that dare not speak its name
Internet dating is thriving in New Zealand. Excellent news for us single boys! I've tried to meet women online, even by openly flirting here on my blog. All to no avail; the majority of comments I receive are from nutcases who sign in as "Anonymous" and leave abusive comments. Wow, there's a heap of cyber-folks who don't like me. But since I installed a site-meter, I've been tracking IP addresses and discovered that I don't, in fact, have an army of e-enemies, but a single repeat offender. Oh great - I've got a troll. I wish she'd get a life. (At least I hope it's a 'she'.)

Anyhow, that anonymous internet stalker is my least concern. There's another family reunion coming up and I'm petrified about turning up without an escort. Nothing says "failure" louder than arriving unaccompanied to social events. Family gatherings are always bizarre affairs since my relatives are such a schizoid bunch, split between saints & sinners. They're either hard-core Christians or hardened criminals: half of them will bash you with the Bible, the other half will just bash you.

I try to avoid the law-breaking bunch; the biggest pack of thieves you'll ever meet. They'll pinch anything not nailed down. Heck, they'd steal the skidmarks out of your undies! Instead, I mingle with my church-going rellies. Yet without fail, every single one of them - conscious of the obligation to "Go forth and multiply" - will ask about my romantic status. There's no point lying as they've x-ray eyes that bore into one's soul. And how can anyone, in good faith, be untruthful to such honest-to-God folk? I hate to disappoint my family, or feel shamed or inadequate, so you can see why I'm desperate to get hitched - even with someone in cyberspace.

So regarding my anonymous blog troll, I'm wondering, when my relatives enquire, "Is there anyone special?" I wouldn't be lying if I said I met someone on the internet, would I? When they ask, "who?" I can say, "Her name's Ana" (short for "Ananymous"). I mean, my stalker keeps trolling my blog, therefore is obviously obsessed with me, right? Which is similar to being 'infatuated,' correct? Which is practically the same thing as being in love, eh? So in that sense, I can truthfully say that Anonymous and I are 'in a relationship' - and I won't have to lie to my family.

Please say you agree! I'd hate people to think I was just another nameless loser living in a fantasy world on the internet.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

hahaha lol bro dats a funny blog did u end up finding urself a gurl??? where's ur pic on ur profile bro?? an no im not ur stalker lols

Anonymous said...

Humorous read Phil and agree with Anonymous ... no one gets a look in without a profile pic these days.

I'm confident that you're drop 'Ana' in time. As one day the right lady will come along, bowl ya for a sixa, leaving Ana a figment of your imagination.

Yes, one must have hope as that someone special is out there and made especially for you. I like Happy Endings

Lucinda Hammerman said...

I think I laughed way more then I should have. I'll stalk you if you like, then you can tell your family you have 2 women in your life, or at least 1 CONFIRMED woman in your life.
p.s: My family is sinners and saints as well :)