Monday, January 01, 2007

January 1, 2007

New Year's Day

Gawd, I hate Helen Clark.

There. Thought I'd start the fresh calendar on an honest note. Should really be chirping "Happy New Year!" with festive, giddy glee - but if you're looking for upbeat feel-good saccharine-laced sentiment, you should be watching Tony Robbins ads instead. We should all be grumpy, last year was terrible - a real 'dog' as Chinese astrologers would say - with but one faint glimmer of hope - it was a record year for the number of deaths of journalists worldwide. At least 155 nasty propagandists spat out their final vicious screed of lies in 2006. Alas, none of them from the NZ Press Association - C'mon kiwis! Let's try harder this year!

Happy Australia Day!
A good day for our trans-Tasman mates neighbours to reflect on the retirement of their legendary sports wonder-boy, Shane Warne, whose astonishing athletic achievements are world renown. His record breaking exploits have rewritten history's statistics. 1000 women he slept with! Now that's an impressive score!
Rumour has it he's also a dab hand at spin bowling. Who knew? Who knew the Ozzies played cricket?

Having a not-so-great Ozzy Day is ditzy diva, Paris Hilton, exiting Sydney eatery & skipping bill for $10 burger. I like Paris & revere her clueless vacuity as she ushers in the age of thick-as-brick TV personalities. After years of hectoring by Big-Issue celebrity-activists, badgering world leaders about 3rd-world poverty and boring us with environment sob stories, Paris' dumb blonde taciturnity is refreshing. Anyway, I hope the Ozzys aren't too uspet over her hamburger heist. I doubt they'll even care. Heck, Ned Kelly used to rob banks, and they hold him in highest esteem - so I'm sure stealing one steenkin leedle lousy burger can't be all that bad.

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