Wednesday, March 14, 2007

blokes & blades

Jockless Abnormal Feminised Asexual Sissy-boys

From the "I'm so NOT surprised" files. A study shows that 25% of Auckland men shave their legs. I guess the remaining 75% so lack testosterone that they never sprout hairs anyway, rendering razors redundant. Here's hoping they give their womenfolk depilation tips. During my stint at Akld university, Every Single Female in my classes & tutorials studiously refused to shave not just their legs, but their armpits & moustaches too - their entire bodies unpared (except for their heads). Boy, was I glad to finally complete my degree in Women's Studies and escape that hirsute hell-hole.

The same shocking survey shows Cantab lads are those most prone to own cologne. Considering their unfamiliarity with bathing and complete absence of soap, perhaps it's not such a bad thing.

Mind you, what's worse are the Waikato wallies with a preposterous penchant for shaving their groins! Maybe moo-loo men are mindful of friction burns as they 'bond' with their - ahem - bovine beauties? Or maybe it just helps them locate their miniscule members hiding beneath a half inch of hair.


Mrs Smith said...

I read that too, and thought it odd. Who did they poll? A team of cyclists and drag queens?

Phil said...

Mrs Smith, I understand you reside in the Akld area, in a suitably swanky area no doubt, far from the likes of riff-raff such as myself.

Poor though I may be in material terms, I'm rich in marital advice being a long time devotee of both the Oprah Winfrey and Jerry Springer shows.

And while loathe to pry into another's affairs, may I humbly suggest that, should Mr Smith enjoy competitive cycling or (heaven forbid) bouffant wigs -- that he buy his own damn razors and not share yours.

The key to a happy marriage, I always say, is a pair of matching his and her shaving kits.

Yours tactfully,
Phil (well-wisher & aspiring relationship guru)

Blog Bloke said...

Oh Crikey is right! I can tell you truthfully that this is one Bloke who doesn't shave. And I've got the beard to prove it. ;-)