Saturday, August 04, 2007

I love to watch...

Project Runway
Of all the reality shows, this one showcases real talent, imo. Dressmaking is architecture; construction involving engineering expertise, knowledge of materials and their interface when acted upon by gravity, movement, physical forces and elements. A vision is conceived, planned, sketched, and ultimately manifests in 3-D. Tailors are both artisans and artists. Every week I'm awed anew at PR, I love everything about this program - except that it clashes with the other clothes-show, Trinny (grope, fondle) & Susannah.

Michael Kors (or should that be 'Claws'): designer extraordinaire and extremely Vicious Queen. Combines snark, humour, and honesty with scratch-your-eyes-out cattiness. Doncha love him? His observations, athough sometimes unnecessarily savage, are always spot on. Man has superb taste with a sharp eye (and tongue) for details. But if you think Mike's bad...

Nina Garcia can be such a sweety if she likes your dress... but look out otherwise! She can out-class even Simon Cowell for reality-TV-judge cruelty. Ever seen a poor contestant/victim with an unfinished hemline? (the most grievous of seamsters' sins, admittedly). I love how Nina's eyes widen, the scowl forms, fangs bare, then the brutal dressing-down ripping some poor bugger to shreds. Slash! Gruesome spectacle and bloodshed - we're back at the Colliseum.

Tim Gunn, on the other hand, is a true gentleman, a fashion deity, and the #1 TV guy in front of whom I'd like to self-prostrate. He's my dream alter-ego. Beneath this scruffy, vagabond exterior is an exquisite dandy too elegant to step out. I heart Tim and wanna be him when (if?) I grow up, or at least when (if?) ever I learn to dolly self up nicely.

Heidi Klum ist eine yum-burger. She puts the "tonic" in Teutonic; the "oi!" in Doitch-land; the "ow!" in Frowlein; and the "mm!" in Germmany. Yet for all her immense prettiness, her sartorial sense is wanting. Why do supermodels so often wear such hideous outfits? But I s'pose when you're that successful, you can always meet every disapproving glance with an "I don't care what you think. I'm prettier and richer than you - so there!" glare back. Regardless, few can whisper "Auf wiedersehen" with such heartrending poignancy as Heidi does... when unceremoniously dumping another loser from the show.

After cringing at Tyra's gallumping wannabes, it's a relief to watch 'proper' catwalk models strut their stuff. It's an art form - everyone on a stage is a performer - and this crop is exceptional. Gals sure can 'bring it' to the runway. Moves so slick it nearly distracts from the clothes. {Julia Roberts movie}Work it, baby! Work it!{/JR movie}

Michael: Sigh! My endless, undying love. Show-stopping designs with faultess, immaculate tailoring. Dang, that boy can sew! I've been wowed by Everything he's made. Creates the same impeccably styled clothes that I would (if only I could thread a needle or knew how to use scissors).

Uli: Very pretty dresses but monotonous. Shown little scope beyond sleeveless, halternecks with flowing billowy skirts that spill, like judge's robes, from just above the bustline. All tend toward the shapeless flop of a graduate's capping gown, or a quickly wrapped sheet while suddenly leaping up from bed. Still, love her bold prints and wide variety of colours and fabrics.

Jeffery: Ugh! Where's the remote? A most unenjoyable TV presence [shivering as I type]. A repugnant personality with an even uglier aesthetic. I never liked 'punk' chic, and the entire style-free 80s with its torn edges, rips, zips, excess layering, over-ornamentation and clashing palettes. I understand Jeff's vision, but find it passe. Assymetry? Hmm... I'm suspicious of his uneven lines, mismatched lengths & jagged, off-kilter shapes. You can hide a ton shoddy design and execution flaws behind an 'edgy' look. Please, just go away! Until then: hate!

Laura: The anti-Jeffery. Has a timeless elegance: classical, restrained, understated. Her designs are totally her, and look like garments she'd wear herself (and look damn good in, too). I dig her look, but there's a danger that sheer simplicity sometimes veers on starkness, becoming lifeless and antiseptic. Perhaps needs the tiniest of tweaking - but not too much. Maybe a frilly-bit here, a puffy-bit there, might help soften the severity of her super-clean cut lines.

Robert: A major disappointing shock. Never believed it was possible: a boring homosexual designer. What on earth happened to his style gene? C'mon, girlfriend! Where's the flair? the glam? the pizazz? Every drag queen on earth should be aghast at his insipid ordinariness (that's if they weren't so busy yawning and dozing off). Please, make it stop! I hate having my gay stereotypes crumble before me like this, in such a dull uninspired fashion.

Luckily, Kayne proudly holds aloft the (fabulous, rainbow-hued) gay banner, complete with rhinestones, tinsel and glitter. He's awesome and totally rocks my runway. Strongly individual style with oodles of flamboyance, but without kitsch or gimmickry. His Miss America evening gown made me gush and I nearly cried when he won that challenge.

Vincent: Oh please! This season's token whacko is as annoying as he is out of his depth. Bound to be kicked off soon and won't be missed. Nothing he's done has grabbed me so far. Has given my hate-muscle plenty of exercise. What is he even doing on this show? Pass the bulimia bucket.

Alison: My darling sweetie-pie. Talented, tasteful and a lovely personality (and purdy). Love, love, love. She's becoming my top pick, which can only doom her given my cursed supernatural ability to bring ill-fate to all my favoured contestants. Whenever that love-flower blooms, a booting-off is sure to follow. When it comes to jinxing the TV objects of my affection, I'm a legend (in my own living room).

Angela: Her earlier fright-worthy designs had me cowering behind the couch, but last week's cropped jacket was a knock-out and I was floored by this week's 'Audrey Hepburn' number. Simply, utterly beautiful. I wanted to stare at it all day. In total agreement with Heidi's "I want that dress in every colour."
Not for me of course... Well at least not in public... :-)

No comments: