Happy New Year

My favourite Iranian, Amir Taheri, on why 2005 wasn't that gloomy in retrospect... [even if pig-dog Clark got re-elected.] Hailing successes in Iraq & Afghanistan (thanks, Mr Bush!) and irrepressibly optimistic about the future of the Middle East, Europe & world affairs, Mr Taheri - who is no starry-eyed idealist - prescribes an invigorating antidote to the 24/7 mayhem & misery churned out by msm naysayers. Happy New Year, Amir!

Our Labour-coalition Media, TV1 & NZH, attempt to set the national agenda claiming 77% think yacking on phone while driving should be banned. Most likely a bogus poll [consider source - no margin of error, confidence level, sampling size, methodology etc mentioned] that was repeated on teletext & sure to be given maximum msm coverage. Meddling busy-body control freaks planning to strip liberties, one by one, for our own good, whether we want it or not. God bless totalitarianism. Methinks lefty do-gooders (psychologically) never got over trauma of separation from safety of womb, & seek state to act as all-encompassing surrogate parent for protection.

NZ's Gay Awards for 2005... (in the absence of any real news)
Hall of Fame: Politicians Maryan Street & Pita Sharples [not too sure he'll be happy with that 'honour']; Linda Le Pou, feisty queen who stood ground at Pacifica awards; Wgtn's first civil union couple; Drag Queen of the Universe winner; AIDS foundation staff; a comic; a theatre director; an activist; and two TV dykes.

Hall of Shame: Politicians Wayne Mapp, Gordon Copeland & Winny (hehe); Graeme Caphill [who should be on everyone's shame list]; Maxim's Greg Flemming & Bruce Logan; the Brethrens [funny they don't list any muslims - we all know how Mohammedans treat GLBTs]; Alan Duff - fast becoming anti-PC icon; AIDS foundation board; a gay murderer; & even a gay spokesman [obviously an independent thinker who refused to tow party line].

These award dispensers deserve a trophy themselves - for hypocrisy:

"Gay NZers & our issues have been attacked mercifully [sic] & frequently, often to further the private agendas of religious & political leaders & would-be leaders.."

Laughable since the most blinkered, strident, intolerant, single-issue activists are Queers themselves. Odd how the rhetoric of Gays, feminists, Maori separatists, etc.. all sounds so very familiar. You could substitute the words "women", "Maori", "immigrant" or any 'minority' for the word "Gay" that begins the above quote, and it would still sound like the same sappy, self-pitying, neurotic screed we've all heard a million times too often. Plunging further into the mire of denial, delusion & victim psychosis:

"resources of the glbt community would've been better used 100% targeting the troubling increase in new local HIV infections amongst gay men, which New Zealand has in common with many other western nations... but we've distracted by the acid of homophobia which continues to gnaw away at some sectors of NZ society"

As if AIDS were an epidemic borne of prejudice rather than viral transmission, most commonly through unprotected sex, particularly via tiny ruptures in delicate anal tissue. HIV in the contemporary West is almost entirely preventable by taking responsibility for one's own social habits. Shagging, not homophobia, spreads STDs - an no amount of political sloganeering or activism can change that biological fact.

So long, Schmucks!

Good riddance
Farewell, Defence Force Head, Bruce Ferguson, after four years of blundering incompetence, bullying subordinates and belligerent dismantling of our once proud forces. No wonder Labour appointed him! The idiot bristles at being called a govt "toadie" then procedes to bash the Nats & kiss Helen's pimply cellulite-laden butt. So, time to pick a new Armed Forces boss. Knowing our PC Labourites, we'll probably get a woman or a gay (or both) - no military experience necessary (recall our 'civilian' deputy Police Commissioner's appointment). We will not, however, get a Maori! After the Wananga, Winny & Waipareira wiles, even Helen's cottoned on to hazards of hiring Horis in high places: scandal-magnets, abominable book-keeping and much too darn expensive!

See you at your funeral...
Also due for retirement (and hopefully an early grave) is country's Top Liar, Mike Munro, press secretary for nation's 2nd Top Liar, painter & hooning rugby fan, Helen Clark. With oxygen-deprived brain from breathing Beehive's rareified air, he explains long succession of Govt cock-ups as failure to properly massage media's messages. His job, no doubt, made easier by jejune journalists & parochial press saluting the socialist assault on our erstwhile institutions. Wouldn't it be sweet justice to later find Mike mauled (or murdered) by mob of mental health patients? - the legacy of Labour's ill-conceived closures of community care units.

murderous medics
Perhaps Mr Munro should consult Dr Nitschke for prescription pills. The Compost DomPost agog with admiration for Oz euthanasist with blueprint for barbiturated body-count. Further proof that leading cause of death are doctors themselves. Endangered kiwis struggle to survive the coven of callous caregivers. Only the lucky avoid ardent abortionists, negotiate negligent nurses (and life-threatening operation botch-ups) to eventually be confronted with kaumatua-killers. Our phalanx of phoney physicians should phuck off! The demented doctor needs dose of own medicine!

death by Government

Mataura massacre
Paper-pushing pandemonium as Environment Southland consent to 20+ years of increasing toxic discharges into hapless Sth Island community. Blissfully blind to carcinogengic chemicals, the bombastic bureacrats buckle to big-business's bullying. An unimpressed local tartly observes their nauseating gutless hypocrisy:

"If a dairy farmer has a cow standing in a creek that takes a pooh, the council would come down hard on the farmer & prosecute, but it does not have the balls to take on a big company"

In future decades with local cancer rates soaring, which bumbling body will investigate insidious industry's indiscretions? At least the formaldehyde corpses will be well preserved for examination.

tobacco may be harmful to health
Hawkes Bay ciggy seller recounts near fatal attack by hammer-bearing thugs in his shop. Assault unseen by public through opaque shop windows mandated by Labour's lunatic legislation. Health Ministry's nico-nazis unrepentant, adamant that:

"under the smokefree laws retailers must ensure tobacco products are not visible from outside the shop"

Unfazed by predicted spate of future attacks, loopy lawmakers defend demise of advertorial freedom, and thus condemn honest hard working business folk to mercies of egregious gangsters - who, exasperatingly, will now profit handsomely from selling ill-gotten gains. Does our govt have a sense of priorities? Seems they're prepared to tolerate vicious criminal violence if it means keeping public safe from cigarette merchants.

hard to digest
Raumati man with a gutsful of hospital slop disguised as food, challenges daredevil diners to subsist for a fortnight on unpalatable pig-swill force-fed to patients. Routinely defying Hippocratic injunction to "first do no harm," these culinary criminals inflict dietary dangers on our most vulnerable and infirm. Could explain the ever-lengthening waiting lists as convalescents succumb to malnutrition in palliative purgatory. Could also explain prevalence of "nil by mouth" signs so commonly seen in the wards.

Gang-rape, anyone? Dial 'M' for Muslim.

Coming to a town near you...
FrontPage Mag reports frightening rise in occurences of rabid islamic dogs commiting mass-rape in Australia, England, France, Norway, Pakistan, Sudan, Sweden, anywhere, in fact, with large concentrations of muslim immigrants. More infuriating are the cowed, coddling media, bending over backwards to cover up any connection between these brutal assaults and the rapists' religion. When (not if) these attacks become commonplace in NZ, expect our msm to likewise go into big-time denial. The NZ Herald will probably blame Bush, the DomPost will blame Brash, our Race Relations Commissioner will urge 'tolerance', our Academe will preach 'understanding'. And all of our witless lefties will wrack themselves with liberal guilt, pleading, "what have we done to upset them?" None of our gutless media cowards will muster the courage to face down these uncivilised savages.

Happy New Year & remember: Islam means "peace."

viva la boycott

I've been a good boycotter this year. The good thing is you don't need cash to participate. Quite the contrary; the rich & poor alike can join in.

Firms in no danger of being burdened with my patronage:

* The New Zealand Herald: used to like reading on train on way home. No more. The Auckland-based Labour Party megaphone won't receive a dime from me. Did not buy a SINGLE copy this year. Have their website as homepage so every time I log on to net they get a hit & bandwidth bill increases (however slightly). Call it, "attempted economic sabotage via death by a trillion cyber-cuts."

* The Dominion Post: Similar to NZH, but only more left-wing, more anti-American, and worse quality writing. Still kicking myself at having bought ONE copy while job-hunting early on in this year. Determined not to repeat same mistake in 2006.

* Sunday Star Times: Zero purchases since eve of 2002 election when editor wrapped herself in Labour's colours. Was tempted to buy copy this election campaign til same editor repeated endorsement online just prior to polling day. Might consider purchase after 2008 election - if editor behaves & keeps partisan flap shut.

* Herald on Sunday: Employer of lying snake, John Manukia. Bought ONE copy in last year's tsunami aftermath. Disgusted to read Colin Meads - All Black Great & "foreign policy expert" - insult president Bush. Another item on the don't-buy list.

* Xtra (telecom): Was my original ISP for over 3 years. Disconnected over frustration with xtra-msn news site and its fawning, reverence for Queen Helen. Will NEVER choose their services again, despite any lower costs or superior service.

* Burger King: Pulled their ads during TV screenings of Swiftboat Veterans' expose of John Kerry in American election campaign. Pres Bush's foes get none of my money.

* Hell's Pizzas: Ad campaign featured Prez Bush's face with slogan: "Hell's too good for some evil b*stard's." After minor media furore, spokesguy laughed it off as mere light-hearted humour. As a single guy/terrible cook, I order pizzas regularly, sometimes 3x p/week. I buy Dominoes, P-Hutt, P-Haven... anyone but Hell's. Chuckle away, schmucks!

* Hollywood: The list of actors, writers, producers, directors who pour scorn on prez Bush, Christians, White Males, America, the Iraqi war effort & the Military, too exhaustive to itemise. Equally troubling is anti-family agenda glorifying promiscuity, debauchery and all manner of sexual perversions. No thanks, fellas! I'll pass, and stop movie-going/ DVD-hiring altogether.

* NZ Music Industry: Have previously bleated about awards ceremony. Will buy no NZ albums; instead will steal them online. Since majority are Clark-loving socialists, no doubt they'll be happy to have their commodities "redistributed." Extra contempt for Helen's Helper's: Che (fat, black, sack-o-crap) Fu, Finn brothers & Dave Dickhead Dobbyn.

* TV personalities: Oh boy, this is a never-ending, ever-growing roll of dishonour. Faces that elicit the itchy-remote finger reflex include: Jacqui Clark, Oliver Driver, Mark Sainsbury, John Campbell, Wendy Petrie, Janet MacIntyre, Guyon Espiner, Sam Neil, Peter Jackson, Kim Hill...
Goodness me, there's just too many! Easier to list the things I will watch... hmmm... mainly American rubbish, like reality shows, which at least "know" they're entertainment & never take themselves too seriously or push partisan politics.

Nasty Nats

National's nascent Nanny-statism to the fore with law & order spokesman keen on British-style curfews & parenting orders. Discarding meagre matters like freedom & civil liberties, Mr Power (freak) rebuffs criticism his plans are "prescriptive" noting special concern about,

"the large number of Maori who come into contact with the law"

He doesn't explain how jailing Maori parents will ameliorate kids' behaviour. He's also oblivious to widespread contempt for contemporary mainstream education that overemphasises "social justice" at the expense of literacy & numeracy. Why any Maori would consent to their kids' brainwashing by progressive, queer-activist feminazis is beyond me. The unbridled arrogance of a Party attempting to enforce 'bourgeoise' values on Maoridom is insulting, to say the least. I'm sickened to have given them my party vote; won't ever be that foolish again. Hey, Nats! You keep offending us Maoris at every opportunity and we'll keep voting you into opposition. See you at the next election! Kia ora!
ps - we're outbreeding you, so you better campaign hard!

Aucklanders with Attitude

penis envy
Jafas look down their haughty, multi-ethnic noses to diss our beautiful Capital Wellington. The cheek! Coming from that crap-hole which is nothing more than Southern slums, Western hoons & a dumping ground for 3rd-world chumps, rejects & undesirables [except for the fine folk of Epsom]. Have they nothing better to do but seethe with rage, trapped in daily 5 hour traffic jams, bitter about unluckiness not to live in Sth Pacific's most glam metropolis?

"Wellington is really the nearest thing we have to a European city"

Yup, bureaucratic sprawl; brain-dead mobs of grey-suited subservient, socialists suckling off Nanny's teat; & huge swathes of arrogant, dreary, wankers with cultural pretensions and delusions of masculinity. But at least we speak a common European language here - English. Unlike the balkanized babel north of the Bombays. Ni hao ma!

let the civil wars begin
Multi-culti mullet-head assists inexorable national suicide, cheering on invasion from Dark Continent. Witless white woman - blissfully ignorant of demographics - unaware that in a few short generations, African fecundity plus the West's abortion obsession, will soon consign Pakeha to minority-hood in their own land. Let's hope there'll still be enough white taxpayers to fund future unemployment benefits.

"the gatherings helped to keep the culture alive for a small African community who are spread throughout the city"

Can clitorectdomies, tribal warfare, honour killings & boiling white missionaries in the pot, be next? You can take the barbarian out of the bush... It's hard to 'Celebrate Diversity' while being hacked by crazed hordes of machete-wielding semi-evolved primates.

Go get 'em, Greenpeace!
Don't often side with the enviro-wackos, but applaud their spirited battle against high-sea rapists & pillagers, Japan. Kamikaze crackpots, doing phoney science research for the sushi industry, have audacity to label greenies a "terrorist organisation", "opinionated" and "self-righteous." Rather hypocritical coming from a brutal dynasty of imperialistic tyrants with record of cruelty unparalleled in global history. Go home, Nips, to your own polluted, overexhausted, barren fishing grounds & quit ruthless plunder of others' share of global resources. If we had a govt with gonads & an armed airforce, we could sink the chinks to an icey, watery Antarctic grave. In the meantime - Go, Nandor's buddies!

articles we won't see in NZ's media

bureaucracy aint cheap
The thieving United Nations work overtime to siphon off ONE THIRD of Tsunami aid money. Cheeky Darky probably needs a new Armani. This is scandalous administration run amok, that even our Labour govt would struggle to match. All the more outrageous since our Kofi-loving journalist idiots will bury this story. Mark Steyn, as usual, has a brilliant take on the great big bonfire of Western humanitarian cash.

RIP, Kyoto
The Washington Times' rascally, right-wing, republicans (bless 'em) read that silly, unworkable Global Warming Treaty its obituary. Hope the Greens don't read this - they'll be crying in their organic beer. Hope Hel's Pals, Winny & Pete, do - and dump this foolish, expensive, economically suicidal, world-wide hoax.

Great Wall of Graft
Reports that Beijing officials embezzled 290 billion yuan (about $NZ 50B). Since communism is basically the Ultimate Govt Theft, it doesn't surprise. Unsurprising, too, is our msm asleep at the wheel re this extremely news-worthy story. But since lies, deceit, kick-backs & bribes are all part of NZ media's "culture of dishonesty" it's perhaps a mere radar blip gone unnoticed. Or maybe they're too durn busy bashing American misdeeds instead.

"Corruption was endemic.. [the] OECD said corruption represented 3-5 % of China's GDP"

No wonder our own Commie Party, Labour, are so keen to get a free-trade deal, they share the same business language and customs. Mr Cullen might yet find use for our record surpluses.

Sacre bleu!
Those repulsive Frogs again, under the judicial spotlight for aiding & abetting mass-murder in 1994 Rwanda massacres. We all know they're a bunch of unwashed, smelly, white-flag waving poltroons, but this is dastardly, even by their usual morally depraved standards.

"The 2500-strong French peacekeeping force... is accused not only of failing to stop the genocide, but also of actively participating in it"

Is anyone surprised the arrogant, perfidious, garlic-breathed snail-eaters are guilty of Crimes against Humanity and are attempting worm-like to slither away from culpability? When the next wave of car-bombing and riots erupt in Gay Paree, I'm cheering for the muslims. Go get 'em, Achmed!

just say no!

cheeky buggers
LOL at the BNZ asking staff to promote bank over holidays. Personally, I've nothing against asking employees to cheer for the team. Why are the staff moaning about it? It's just an e-mail. Ignore it if you want. Just go, "yeah, yeah, yeah" at work, then do nothing. We're a nation of sickie-takers, surely one more boss-fooling 'indiscretion' shouldn't be too hard. If BNZ wants to attract business, they should change their lending rates & interest rates. Nothing their staff says will matter to anyone with an eye for figures. Actions speak louder than words.

Howard's fault
Ditz posing as journo bemoans paradise lost and heavy police presence at Sydney beaches. Dopey can't see that those same coppers also prevent her (and other dippy white female beach-goers) from being gang-raped "Leb" style.

"While white Australians have (grudgingly) accepted waves of post-war immigrants... they have found it harder to stomach the Muslims who have arrived more recently"

That's coz it's hard to sympathise with a blood-thirsty religion still trapped in the 11th Century that treats women like cattle, has never co-existed peacefully with other faiths, and intends to enslave entire world (murderously if necessary) under sharia law. But no, dipstick instead blames PM for not teaching terrorist time-bombs the lingo. There is hope:

"After living in Sydney for six years, I know [there's] crime, deprivation and simmering racial tensions"

Maybe in another 6 years it'll dawn on her that espousing pat white liberal multicultural slogans does nothing to curb human hatred nor stop middle-eastern pack-rapists.

dangerous driving
Wreckless young oaf deliberately parks car inside historic Treaty House. Arrested for a number of offences including:

assault, wilful damage, dangerous driving, assaulting police, aggravated assault & threatening to kill

Sounds charming! I'm outraged... at his dismal ignorance of NZ history! It's not February 6 yet and much too early to begin Waitangi Day celebrations. Betcha Mike Smith's crew are gonna be riled they didn't come up with idea first.

southern hospitality
Telling evidence that Sth Islanders are uncultured with unruly mob causing havoc in Alexandra. 50-odd (and I do mean "odd") outta-town yobs with too much time & petrol money on hands come calling to create mayhem where none exists. The locals display admirable fortitude and kick foreign invaders' butts. Thank goodness at least one small town's retains the kiwi self-help ethos. Were it Wgtn, we'd commission lots of reports & inquiries while holding candle-lit vigils, waving "peace" banners with wide-eyed liberal impotence.

knock & the door shall be opened...
Fielding evangelicals (with quite literal reading of Matthew 7:7) conduct door-to-door campaign hoping to fill church pews as worshippers stay away in droves. I can only vouch for Anglicans, but I've lost faith with Priests sermonizing on temporal matters such as: debt relief for 3rd world nations; gay marriage; Dubya's "immoral" war; or discussing Bible's 'policies' (as if it were business document) etc, etc. Consequently, I now avoid the CoE like the plague; treat their Reverends as lepers. Do-gooder activists disguised as clergy preaching wayward liberal pabulum should roast in you-know-where, imo. Am seriously thinking of becoming Catholic. I know I'd be a terrible one, just like I'm a terrible Anglican. But at least I'd have a church based on religion and not mushy left-wing sentimentality.

Tihei Mauriora!

Welcome to the world resplendent in the light!

Wellington's first Christmas baby, Caleb Joseph Fenwick (with mum Miriam & dad Peter) arrived into the World of the Living at 3.37am. What a cutey! Congrats, Ma & Pa! Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday, little fella!

Christmas messages

God Bless America!
Harris poll finds 82% of Americans believe in God. 70% profess Jesus to be his son. A quarter have faith in astrology & a third bear witness to UFOs.

"Six out of 10 said there is a devil & hell exists as well, the poll revealed."

Looks like Helen Clark's US tour touting NZ tourism was a roaring success. Seems she's ensconced herself in the minds of mainstream Americans.

God Save Our Gracious Queen (Liz, not Helen) who's none too happy with the election result & coalition arrangments either, describing 2005 a "terrible" year. Her annual Christmas speech lacking festive cheer with HRH recounting the year's disasters and other bleak matters. Cheer up, Your Majesty, at least you don't have to live here under Helen's Reign of Terror. Count yourself fortunate!

The Pope is more upbeat in his first Christmas Day message, warning of spiritual barreness in our enlightened, secular age. He cautions against the limits of human rationalism:

"the light of reason is not sufficient to enlighten humanity and the world"

Bless you, El Papa! Very wise counsel & a profound human truth that man can not live on bread - & logic - alone.

"Keep out or we'll shoot you" is the sage advice from Ariel Sharon to Palestinian terrorists. Establishing no-go zone in Northern Gaza to halt rocket attacks on nearby Ashkelon, the Israelis sends a clear message to Islamic Jihad: "your leaders are targeted for assassination." Sometimes, logic & reason having failed, the only method of communicating with a death cult is to kill them. Happy hunting, Israel!

Dreaming of a 'white' Christmas?
Yowzah! Canuck Columnist, Jeff Gardner, controversially mulls Morgan Freeman's message on alleviating problematic race relations. Summing up a generation of 'ethnicity' dialogue:

"If we want to end racism, we need to quit talking about it"

Simplistic soundbite sweeping age-old inter-racial grievances under carpet? Or necessary salve to soothe racial qualms assuming out-of-proportion, migraine-inducing over-importance? You decide.

nocturnal emissions

wet dreams
The NZHerald limp-wrists are tossing themselves, fantasizing about impeaching President Bush. Gee, their Xmas goodwill didn't last long! What's so wanky is the pathetic wimps can't even write their own bilge, having to import it from leftist Brit rags. I thought commies weren't religious! Well, whaddaya know, here they are praying for Dubya's demise. In your dreams, woofters! It's NOT gonna happen. Go back to sleep.

Likewise in lullabyland, a Baptist Pastor rudely awakened to perils of teen texting. Good Shepherd thunders with righteous fury against cussing, dirty-deeds & come-ons of horny thumb-twiddlers. Lucky he hasn't seen the internet yet! Perhaps I should txt him a msg - REMINDER: you're (supposed to be): an Adult, the Parent, in Charge. Your Choice: don't buy kids a mobile & confiscate exisiting phones, or just get jiggy with it... What Would Jesus Do?

"Death to Israel..." reads the subtext of NZHerald repeating major tearjerker about how crappy palestinian childhood is, brutally suppressed by Evil Zionist Occupiers. The terrorist-hugging fourth estate, only obliquely refering to the Intifada, are careful to avoid mention of "traumatisation" borne of mass, systemic anti-Semitic indoctrination from infancy, that routinely exhorts wiping Israel off the map and the complete genocide of Jews. The Pali's can pound sand for all I care, or go back to Jordan. The Herald's raghead appeasers should join 'em.

Judicial appeasers should similarly ship out. Clueless Wellington judge coddles Iraqi, previously jailed with long history of sexual attacks, for assaulting two girls. Granting leave for home detention & deferred sentencing on 'humanitarian grounds' - she should be impeached for endangering women by letting this predator loose. Deport this dangerous pervert at once to the flea-ridden hell-hole from which he sought refuge (not the first time our 'humanitarian' cluelessness has returned to bite us in the a*se). What d'ya expect from Middle East savages? What d'ya expect from Dopey Wellington Women judges?

One smart gal with no delusions about muslim misogyny is Phyllis Chesler, berating Western media & academe for hypocrisy & cowardice in refusing to criticise, much less confront, the appalling mistreatment of islamic women. Our champions of liberty & free-speech remarkably silent about this War on Women. Paralysed by ethical posturing, confused by own racial rhetoric, & embittered by reflexive Bush-loathing, the Left can't speak up for fear of being thought 'racist'. Their ideological contortions find them bogged in a moral quagmire. What Would Sandra Coney Do? ('tip L.com)

Meri Kirihimete!

Happy Birthday, baby Jesus!

Merry Christmas, All!

At home desperately trying to ignore chaotic, cacophonic crowds of loud, happy, Maoris, their kids and a thousand new noisey toys. About to migrate en masse to sistren's where serious drinking & scoffing begins. Slugging down a few Jim Beams while waiting - am eyeing brother's whiskey bottle with gluttonous intent.

See y'all when I sober up next.
Have a good one!

DON'T DRINK & DRIVE!!!

Have a safe happy Christmas - Tena Tatou Katoa!

just noticed...

TVOne's People's Choice: Top News Stories. TVNZ reveal their bias. Example:

Choice Number Three - "Clark wins 'Historic' three-peat"

[1] they always use that H-word to describe Hero Helen
[2] they impugn the Nats, by (gratuitously) reminding us of Clarkson's nonsense charge of sexual harassment, &
[3] they're still sore about...

"Act leader Rodney Hide winning his Epsom seat - something that no political commentator/journalist in the country believed could happen."

That should read: "something that no political commentator/journalist in the country wanted to happen, and hoped like hell wouldn't happen, and did all they could to make sure wouldn't happen."

I'm glad Rodney got to stick it to 'em. Like that stupid tart Sunday* Times editor openly wishing in a NZHerald column that ACT would disappear. What does that say for her paper's partiality & objectivity? Sure, a journo can be a lefty, but must they so brazenly declare it in public? We can no longer trust a single word the SST prints now they're so openly aligned with Queen Helz.

Our entire msm is corrupt; its political parochialism incredible. Not because it's always so blatant (often it's subtle, near imperceptibly imbedded in the tone and/or the text of the commentary), but because it's so Omnipresent: TV, papers, radio, internet. Thank God for the blogosphere - the last refuge from Labour's Spin Machine.

mixed feelings

Dunno what to make of Judy Bailey leaving. OTOH, inarguably a TV icon, possibly most famous, most recognised kiwi dote & longest serving news anchor in history. A career noteworthy not just for longevity but more remarkably, free of public scandal (salary aside). Her tenure, at least, has been dignified - properly befitting a public figure.OTOH, she's complicit with TV1 for Crimes of Mass Propaganda. The network's flagrant promotion of pacifism, enviro-nonsense, anti-Americanism, Labour's special interests (unionism, homosexuality, feminism, wealth distribution) & other left wing perversions - all the while masquerading as news - is inexcusable and unforgiveable. Her editor, Paul Yurisich, is off to Al-Jazeera - which could explain network's loving embrace of Achmed Zaoui, Iraqi "insurgents", exploding islamic "militants" & those poor Abu Ghraib terrorists with panty headwear.

Maybe Yurisich will report on Mullahs stamping out decadent western culture, or the parallel explosion of 100,000 Iranian Blogs making Farsi the 2nd-equal (with French) most spoken blog language globally. Impressive stats from the Republic:

"More than 90% of country is literate, 70% of.. citizens are under 30. Computer ownership is relatively high & internet cafés abound... Net usage is growing faster in Iran than anywhere in.. the Middle East & there are now more blogs in Farsi than in German, Italian, Spanish, Russian or Chinese"

Could augur the mobilisation and noble uprising of brutally oppressed masses yearning for freedom and dignity. Or maybe it's just a 100,000 strong mob typing, "Death to America" and other crowd favourites.

perhaps they have a point...
I really do like Americans... except when they pick on Kiwis. So I'm profoundly distressed to learn Nick Smith's being sued by a US chemical company for uttering unflattering comments. Bloody prom queens! Obviously these Yanks unfamiliar with (spirit of) their own First Amendment. Were it a Labour MP, I'd be cheering for the 'Murricans, but since Nick's a Nat (de facto good-guys) his legal/judicial immunity is not assured. Let's hope Madge Wilson's cronies appointees go easy on him. As for those litigation loving low-lifes, if the chemical Co win, I'm never eating McDonalds again. Maybe all sympathetic kiwi blogs should also publish Mr Smith's offending statements - come try and sue the lot of us! They can sue me til they're blue in the face. I'm broke; if you want yo' money, please join the queue... Breath-holding not recommended.
('tip DPF)

Food for thought: If NZ declared war on the US (yeah, I know - probably not the smartest idea) Who would the Australians side with? What Would Howard Do?

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Go, Rodders!

You Da Man!
Mr Loudon notes Press hailing Rodney "Politican of the Year." Yeehah! Couldn't agree more! (and sorry bout earlier "nuking Waipounamu" comments). I might have to start subscribing to Chch's daily if they keep publishing truth like this. Hear, hear!

The Man Himself is (quite rightly) chuffed to also be voted Metro's Best Akld-Poli & Best Campaigner! Can't argue there! What a guy! Take a bow, Mr Hide! You are this year's recipient of the inaugral George W. Bush Trophy, awarded to the stunning-est, amazing-est, tumeke-est Politician. "Bravo!" and "Encore!"

the sound of toilets flushing

more taxes swirl down the S-bend
No wonder our local TV programming is so absymal, there's no cash left in the kitty to produce quality shows after forking out exorbitant golden handshakes to ex-employees. Melanie Jones, gets a $200K Christmas prezzy from TVNZ. Defending the indefensible, the pock-marked one is adamant she's:

"a highly professional journalist, editor & producer [with] demanding standards and news judgment... highly dedicated to her craft and... will make a very positive contribution to any news organisation"

Which makes you wonder why he sacked her in the first place. The trouble with hiring Labour apparatchiks is, despite their loyalty to the Party, they're like cockcroaches: repulsive, unwelcome, always return & are frightfully expensive to fumigate.

Osama alert... in prisons with Guards reminded to be vigilant against potential terrorist inmates. Should be a cinch: just keep a close eye on the non-pork eaters, the ones named "Mohammed" and the others with a rag-tied head - easy! Article cites a wary Winny, worried Maori gang-members being wooed into religious fanaticism. Don't worry Mr Peters, eventually they'll be paroled, and before y'can say "apostasy," they'll be skulling, toking & bonking up large. Not to mention those massive feeds of puha & bacon bones - it's the 'Maori' way. Kia ora.

The meek shall inherit the earth... after they're done marking exams. NZQA (top) Dog, Karen Sewell, quivers timidly about potentially "Offending Anyone" while assessing school kids. Soaring to new heights of PC stratosphere, the "protected list" swells to include not just students & mandatory freaks-wogs-fags crowd, but also the Nats, our 'noble' Fast-Food Industry & even, believe or not, American politicians! Dunno why they get a pass, our press have been slamming 'em (the "Pubbies", anyway) since dangly chads first discovered in Florida, 2000. God Defend NZ... from our insane, befuddled educrats!

Congratulations, Daniel Carter, on receiving NZ Rugby Player's Player of The Year. Way to go, pretty boy! What a shame it went to a South Islander. Anyone else think we should sell the Sth Island to the Yanks to use as nuke-testing ground? I reckon we'd get at least 500 bucks. And those big, glowing mushroom clouds would sure look real pretty from here across the Strait - just like Guy Fawkes, only bigger! Ahh, just daydreaming... imagining a Perfect Christmas... Congrats also, Young Player of The Year, Piri Weepu, from lovely & - take note, Radioactive Mainlanders - "Nuclear-Free" Wellington (even if they did take down our sign at the airport).

Apologies to the NZHerald, whom I incorrectly labeled the Worst NZ news website re partisan leftist bias. That honour, of course, rightfully belongs to Stuff.co.nz. They announce their 2005 Best Movies with the Obese Commie Talent-free Slob coming out tops. Oh heck, I unfortunately managed to miss seeing every single one of them. Pity and real shame.

Seasons Greetings, Armed Forces!

Lest we forget...
Merry Christmas, to the 221 brave men & women of the NZ Defence forces currently serving overseas! Too much, Kiwis! Churr churr! Take care & God bless all ! Spare a thought also for the US coalition forces (and their families) in Iraq, Afghanistan & elsewhere. Thanks guys!

normal transmission resumes...

Back after brief bout of bloggus interruptus, called away on Emergency Christmas Shopping Mission. Returned burdened with parcels & worry-free (at least til next year) credit card bills. Am content. Might have a teeny drink of wine... or 2... Ahhh, there's no other spot in the Universe quite like Poneke in the summer. I near melt with rapturous joy each day, fortunate to swim in Absolutely Beautifully Wellington's divine urban exquisiteness. The luckiest people In The World live here. We are blessed.

But enough of that misty-eyed reverie, terribly sad news that Mr Aaron Bhatnagar will no longer grace NZ's blogosphere. A giant blow to the center-right commentariat leaving a huge, yawning gap in our knowledge & insights into Akld politricks. We wish you the all best, AB! Good luck, take care, and thank you! DPF has thread (I can't directly link to) acknowledging Mr B's departure.

Paikea Returns
Dispiriting news that 15 whales from huge pod rescued have come aground again. A coincidence that re-stranding takes place near Labour's Nelson electorate? Typical socialist whales! Completely lacking self-responsibility for swimming habits, too dopey to help themselves after already been given helping hand, and expecting everyone else to save them AGAIN from perilous plight (of own doing) and also pick up the tab. Why am I not surprised?

Civilisation Collapses
Save the whales? Hell no! Save the Barbies! Gut wretching reports of mass mutilations by British barbarian brats of world's most famous doll. More unnerving than these terrorist toddlers are the gleeful praises sung for these future serial killers by our very own academics:

"By decapitating the dolls, young people were showing they did not accept the model figure they represented"

Sheesh! You show one little bit of Iraqi hostage footage on TV and the whole nation goes beserk!

Proving that blondes are brainless... is our lovely, but unfortunately neuron-deprived, Rachel Hunter, too dumb to swindle as much loot as possible out of gravelly-voiced ex-hubby, Rod Stewart. Refusing all monetary goodies as divorce proceedings conclude:

"I think it's wrong for women to take half of someone's money when they haven't earned it"

Someone get Dr Cullen on the phone! Someone just get a doctor! Put down that bong, Rachel! Think! "Free money" - Oh, there's no hope trying to talk to those flippin' right wingers...

Spirit of Christmas

Seasons Greetings, Kiwis, from Winny & Pete, vetoing the Carbon Tax that was to be introduced from 2007 onward. Greedy grinch Cullen must feel like his Christmas has been stolen & is probably, as we speak, devising new methods to steal collect more taxpayers' earnings to sate our Socialist Govt's rapacious appetite for other people's money.

"alternative options being considered by the Government could include some levies"

Phew, thank goodness we'll only be 'levied' - and not pay a 'tax' as originally conceived. Luckily we're easily fooled by fancy nomenclature & tricky wordplay.

shirty shoppers
Finally, the much ballyhooed economic hard landing arrives to gatecrash our great kiwi Christmas party. A Westpac survey showing a nationwide drop in spending cheer as the:

"consumer confidence index fell to 110.1 from 120.2 in Sept, the lowest level for 5 years"

Maybe the NCEA should re-evaluate those numbers to help bolster spirits & save our economy.

blah blah blah blah

continuing rant from last post (blogger.com goes all funny editing long posts)

The Awards Continue...

Most Amazing Person of the Year: Our very own President George W. Bush. Kiwis are so lucky to have such a fine man be our world leader.

Staunchest Online Dubya Supporter: Lucianne Goldberg. Any media/ current affairs/ "interested in the news" type blogger who doesn't have L.com linked is a rank amateur and/or rabid leftist.

Cyber-hero Award (National): Herr A. Finkiinsein - oh, crikey, I can't even spell it. You know who you are, Adolph ;-)

Cyber-hero Award (International) Internet identity with cyber-handle "amereagle."
True Blue Patriot: Real American - capital 'R', capital 'A'.

Other plans for 2006
1. Become STAUNCH Rodney supporter. Visit, brutally assault & permanently maim, injure & disfigure ANY of his detractors, online or elsewhere, even parliamentarians. That's what a good supporter would do.

2. Find good lawyer whilst inside on charges resulting from #1.

3. Convince ACT hierarchy, that just coz I got jailed for attacking Rodney's critics, that's no reason to suspend my party membership.

4. Hope that Helen Clark dies before I do, just so I can have the last laugh. Ugly old hag will probably outlive me, just to be a b*tch.

5. Get over my intense HATRED for anyone (except my darling mum, auntys & whanaunga) who voted for the Commies on Sept 17. Labour supporters need killing & I don't mean that in a nasty or bad way. Just stating the facts.

6. Become a role model.

More Awards
Best cook: Sister, spag & meatballs, Thai chicken curry
Runner up: Other Sister, pavlovas
Best burger: Steak & Egg, Joe's (Jville)
Best Rugby Player: Tony Woodcock
Best Netballer: Temepara George
Best new series: LOST
Best fat pig socialist film-maker: Peter Jackson
Best scummy propaganda outlet for leftist girly-men wimps: The New Zealand Herald
Best needs her face kicked in TV personality: Janet MacIntyre
Best international sportsman: Lance Armstrong
Best kiwi writer: Rosemary McLeod
Best news event: John liar-journalist-like-they-all-are Manukia getting snapped.

lint, fluff & miscellanea

Just a few odds & ends...

Article of the day: Everyone's darling, Mark Steyn, on riots & racism.

Geek update: Need new ISP. Current one, Maxnet, keeps having problems with corrupted/virus laden emails that won't download from their server to my puter. What's really frustrating is having to make daily toll calls to Akld - Maxnet don't have 0800 number - so my (tech-help) phone bill might end up larger than the internet bill itself.

Geek update 2: have installed counter-thingey. Am so proud I did it all by myself. Yup, that simple cut/paste job was a real accomplishment ;-) Am cheating by repeatedly hitting refresh button to give myself more hits. Liar? Phoney? Scammer? (hehehe) Yeah, I know I'm a big loser, but so what...

Update, duh! & gimmee a slap moment: Just spoke to ISP phone-help guy & he reckons I don't need to keep making calls as ISP's website has page for users to check/ change/ fiddle with email accounts.

Feeling goofy... No more work for the year! Feel so good & giddy I can hardly concentrate. Went hunting for news stories to moan about, but couldn't do it, I'm just too happy! In too much of a good mood to genuinely complain. I just can't manage it, not with any sincerity.

Geek update 3: Anyone out there wanna fall in love in me? I'm keen, flirt away! All suitors entertained! Don't be shy, no one can "see" you online! No one'll know that your lying about being a rich, famous, beautiful, supermodel (like me). Discretion assured, I won't tell your husband :-) ... unless you're filthy rich & blackmailable, that is...

Geek update 4: Need a new Universal Username & Password for next year. This year & previous, have joined heaps of online forums etc, all with different usernames & passwords. Have forgotten All of them - even my Sir Humph's login. So, now I'm locked out having lost my "digital keys." Need to create a Master Username & Password to use everywhere & simplify cyber-life.

New Years Resolutions
1. Give up smoking (again)
2. Completely stop swearing, both oral & written
3. Find a nice church I feel comfortable with. Don't wanna listen to no idiot pastor rant on about the Evils of George Bush & the war & America...
4. Destroy those evil credit cards which force me - against my will - to buy stuff I don't need & get more in debt.
5. Establish serious blog to collate, study, analyse, and interpret Moteatea from Te Tai Rawhiti. It can be my online 'legacy' to the world in lieu of procreating.
6. Study the following in depth: Art History, Philosophy, World History, so I can be a painful, torturous know it all in cyberspace & real life.
7. Get off my useless Lazy butt & get fit(ter) like I once was before I got a computer.
8. Do volunteer work for ACT the next email I get from them asking for help.

Reflections on 2005 and...

BLOGGING:
* Have surpassed all expectations & am still going strong after nearly 3 months. This is 4th attempt at blog-keeping. All earlier blogs lasted only about 3 weeks. Previously, under mistaken impression that blogs 'had to' be serious - it all became too hoha and burdensome - like having to do daily homework. But now, realising I can natter on about rubbish all day if I wish (a natural talent) - it's become a pleasure, rather than a chore.

NGA MIHI
* Thank you, crew at Sir Humphrey's - you fullahs are My Heroes!
* Thank you, Mr D. P. Farrar - you hold a special place in all 'Kiwi bloggers' hearts.
* Thank you, Mr Selwyn - you're a bloody dag & always crack me up. Tumeke, alright!
* Thank you, Mr Cresswell - you're a gentleman & a scholar.
* Thank you, Anonymous Folk [you know who you are! ;-)] out there for emailing all your help & assistance to a complete unknown. The "kindness of strangers" is truly touching & affirms my hope in human goodness. Bless you all, cyber-Angels!
* Thank you, Helen Clark... Nah! Just kidding....

2006 AMBITIONS
...or things I've never done & wanna do before I shed this mortal coil...

* Fall wildly, madly, deeply, passionately, truly in love... with reciprocator.
* Get married (falling in love optional) & have kids, but that's in God's hands, so...
* Try a Martini. A proper one in proper (flat triangular glass, MEDIUM-legth stem) with olive on stick. Shaking/stirring optional - my personal opinion re "bruising" gin: whatever!
* Go overseas. Even to Ozzy. Relinquish my... er, "tangata whenua" status.
* Spend a whole year alcohol-free. (Yeah, I can dream...)
* Get through Chapter 3 of my "Teach yourself Microsoft VB" book. I do really well until I come up to all that StrVal= bla bla bla rubbish. Once [proudest techy achievement] made a program that converted inches to centimeters & vice versa. Write all the code & everything, myself. So... Bill Gates, NASA, MIT... if you're lookin' for some young raw talent...
* Read a whole Shakespeare play and: (1) read right to the end (2) sustain interest throughout (3) try to figure out what the heck he's on about (4) succeed (5) enjoy it.

2005: Heroes to Villains list
Winston Peters: What a disgrace! Tag-teaming with the Hag. Aue! Can't believe I voted NZF in TWO elections.

Peter Fat Socialist Labour-Campaigning Pig Jackson: Gee, you got an UGLY missus! (sorry, just tryin' to think of the nastiest thing I could come up with off the top of head).

Teresa Gattung (sp?): Once a frosty, hyper-intelligent, ambitious, hard-headed ultra-sexy business babe. Now! What's with that "change the flag" crap & Helen-cuddling? Stupid egg!

NZ Music Industry: Atrocious treatment of Dr Brash. Inexcusable! Award ceremonies are to celebrate Artistic merit, success & achievement. They should NOT be hijacked to vent political vitriol. Get a blog, if you have to, but don't pull that parliamentary slagging-off crap in public! I'm as arty-farty as they come (tru-blu Wgtn-ian) - but I'll NEVER condone, nor patronise spleen-venting artists who deliberately provoke, antagonise, embarrass, insult, alienate or condescend to the general kiwi public. All artists are Ambassadors for their craft, curators of our cultural heritage. The fallout resulting from stunts such as the Music Awards fiasco - which offended a Huge segment of our populace - amounts to Vandalism of our national cultural heritage! Untold damage is wreaked when ordinary folk switch off from the arts/ craft/ entertainment/ creative worlds coz of spoiled adolescents throwing public tantrums like Oliver [never gonna watch Any TV show he's on, in future] Driver & co. Someone get them a PR guy to explain importance of Not ticking-off your potential ticket-buying audience.

stupid apes

shouldn't really bag a Kiwi Superstar, but...
"King Kong falling off Empire State Building" - What a perfect metaphor for Pete Jackson's plummet from hero-dom to splattered ruins, IM Nat-voting O. After witnessing his staunch Labour election campaigning, most glad that Fat-Hog's movie is bombing (yes, I know he's a lot slimmer nowadays, I meant 'fat-hog' as a general term of abuse). As for his severely homely & TreliseCooper-like territorial-name-hugging wife (eh, Listener columnist?) why not do a remake of Charlotte's Web and make her the pig? They'll be snow storms in Hades before I give Mr & Mrs Fat Repulsive Slovenly Socialist Porkers Both-of-Them one cent o' mah money!

prayers answered
Heroic & death defying tale of survival at sea for two brave, unlucky Anzacs enduring hellish 11 day (& night) ordeal, south of Hong Kong, clinging to raft, with just a paddle & sponge. This is one of those "we had to drink our own mimi" yuck-but-true near-death against-all-odds superhuman-will-to-survive yarns. Tumeke!

"After 3 days, the rains stopped, leaving only winds that.. never dropped below 65km/h..Every day, the raft was flipped & flipped again"

Welcome ashore, boys! Amazing courage! Hats off! Thank you, Vietnamese fishermen! Thank you, Tangaroa! Thank you, baby Jesus! Bet this is their Best. Christmas. Ever.

stunning statistics stating kiwi kids are geeky kids, theese dweeb figures must make tasty reading for greedy, unbundled Telecom with its monopolistic eye on future patronage:

• 30% of 6-8 yr olds use net
• 74% of 9-17 have surfed longer than 2 years
• kids as young as 4 yrs old use net
• 75% log on at least once per week
• 50% kids go online every day
• Average kid spends 4.7 hours p/w online
• 15-17 yr olds spend 8 hours p/w

Betcha next generation will lead world in: short-sightedness & vision problems; repetitve strain injuries in fingers & hands, shoulders & necks; bad posture & sedentary related disorders; real-life social interactive dysfunctionalism; & reallee badd speling.

Te Maori News
Three old whare, recently unearthed on mid-city Wgtn site, to be preserved. Thought to be remnants of Te Aro Pa at "Pigeon Park." Bound to be stacks of archaeologia along Taranaki St route all the way to Pukeahu Pa (Old Museum/War Memorial).* Pity its such a heavy traffic artery - all historical artefacts will likely never see light of day through the constant haze of exhaust fumes.

* Those towering monuments of classical architecture now outrageously gobbled up pac-man style by the voracious, ravenous Massey Uni. Does any major piece of Capital's real estate NOT belong to a University? No wonder fees are sky-rocketing! Friggin' 3ry ed institutions are buying up the town. Even our beloved Cake Tin is emblazoned with Otago Uni's logo! Freakin' scarfies! Go back home to your desolate, Antarctic wasteland where your brain-frozen electorate can endure that lying, tennis-ball stuffing, bully-boy bald old fool you voted for.

Attention numerologists: This is my 108th post. 108 = Very Special Number in maths & eastern religions - is divisible by 1,2,3,4,6,9,12,18,27,36,54 & itself. Must be something deeply significant in all that... what? not too sure, but there ya go... Amazing & Incredible...

that name rings a belle...
I remember latest Labour Minister's assault victim, Madeleine Flannagan, from back in the day @ Waikato Uni... Her + co-RightWingConspirators, Ben King, deputy Rick & the VSM lads... So she's still stickin' it to the silly socialists (onya, Mads!). Shoulda got martial-arts exponent (& very snappy dresser) hubby, Matt, to defend honour & fell the Hodgson beast. And surely a wiley old veteran student pol like yourself oughta know Helen's Hounds have legal immunity. Good to see you won the Moral Victory, anyway! Cheers, Mrs F!

Jack the Dripper

Wonderful movie on TV1 last night about Jackson Pollock. The emotional scenes were a drag, but the painting bits were choice. Great art history lesson. Hate to sound like a Maori philistine, but I'd always assumed he was Afro-American (with a name like "Jackson"). Only ever known him in his usual famous dribbly style. Used to HATE him! Thought he was another overrated phoney like Colin MacCahon (sp?) i.e. anything even I could whip up in 2 minutes, can't possibly be 'great art.' Mistakenly thought his pics were merely computer screen size (only ever seen 'em in books & mags) like busting open a few different coloured biros and shaking them 'round.

But one day 'bout a year ago (can't remember where - internet? TV? mag?) saw one of his huge murals. Impressed by sheer size & had aesthetic epiphany. Although 'random' looking, his 'splashings' somehow seemed to have an overall visual 'coherence' - some sorta unified underlying structure, as if not so random after all. Mostly, it was very pleasing to look at. Very pretty, in fact, in all its messy chaos. Soothing on the eye, very few colours - not an explosion in a day-glo factory - but still nice & calm & warm. Very 'gentle' too, despite being 'energetic', often dark (hues), harried-looking & mentally hyper-stimulating [evoking profound curiosity & wonder]. After that, I've always liked him. Every time I see a Pollock, those same pleasurable sensations are aroused. I get him, now! Or at least get something from him - LOL. As they say: "I don't know much about art, but I know what I like." :-)

Camille Paglia (whose opinions on art matters I revere) thinks he's a genius ranking with Picasso. I wouldn't quite put him that high, but he's definitely a major figure IM-uneducated-O. In the movie [have no idea how true & autobigraphical it was] he's a real p*sshead. Hmm, I could be just like him if I drank more ;-)

He ends up crashing his car drunk, killing himself & passenger. I've always believed that anti-drink drive ad campaign: "If you drink & drive, you're a bloody idiot." Jackson Pollock was a Great Artist & a bloody idiot.

prizegiving

everyone else is doin' it, done it, or about to...
so being a good kiwi sheep, I'll follow the herd

The Really Important Awards 2005

POLITICS

Massive Dude: Rodney Hide. Defied best efforts of mainstream media, the dodgy polls & Nat's hostile overtures to clinch Epsom & helped tilt MMP equation to the right. Showed incredible faith, indefatigable stamina, & indomitable optimism in tight election. Campaigned good old-fashioned way, meeting & greeting constituents in handshake frenzy of final week. Survived to annoy, horrify & intensely frustrate legions of lefties, unionists, educationalists & other freaks for another 3 years.

Awesome Chick: Tariana Turia. Said TMP could work with "any party" [translation: "Nats & Act], introduced radical notion of 'tax-cuts' & other iconic neocon-isms to Nga Iwi (didn't eschew traditional socialist welfarism, but hey, it's a start), worked on shoestring budget to take Four Seats off the Witch (teehee), the only Maori 'Labour' poli courageous enough to defy her.

The Alamein Koopu Award: Georgie Beyer. Times up, love. Go home. You'll always have the memories of your stunning performance during passing of Prostitution & Civil Union Bills. Stick with the ballroom dancing.

The Monica Lewinsky Award: Deborah Coddington. You shoulda just told that sleazy rich dude to #$%@* off while still at the pub! That's what a Maori chick woulda done. Or a white trash one. Gee, you wealthy folk have strange customs.

MEDIA

John Armstrong Award: (For outstanding parliamentary commentary). Tracy Watkins - the only reason you'd be silly enough to buy the DomPost. If There$a Gattung doe$n't wanna marry me, and Britney Spears says "no!" - then she'll have to do.

Colin James Award: (For upsetting both sides of political spectrum). Audrey Young. Lefties call her a "paleocon" - the right think she's a commie. Normal people must reckon she's OK, I guess.

Most Improved Player: Colin Espiner. Really establishing his voice. Lively but informative. Mercifully free of the sneering sarcasm that passes for wit these days amongst (younger) print journos.

Most Overhyped MSM "scandal": Bretheren-gate. Any old thing to smear the Nats & help Labour's election campaign. 90% of kiwi journalists deserve the Black Plague.

BEAUTY

Most Pulchritudinous TV Couple: The pair who front 'Headliners' - dunno their names. Shame they're going. The ONLY 2 talking heads who could utter our fantastic President Bush's name without squirming. A tragedy the ONLY politically unbiased news we show on our screens is for kids.

Spunkiest Chick in the World: Angeline Jolie. Can't go to movies coz I'm boycotting (anti-Bush) Hollywood, but am grateful to our wonderful Women's magazines & the Internet & God for this breathtaking vision of pure loveliness. So if Tracy Watkins doesn't want me, I'll have to settle for Angeline. That's OK - I like Americans.

Handsomest Fullah: Appropriately named Matthew Fox. If reincarnation is true, and I look like that in the next life, I'll be truly contented & happy - just me & my mirror.

Far out!

The final frontier
NASA will "boldly go where no man has gone before" (no, not inside Helen Clark's knickers - no one's that foolhardy!). They're sending a space probe, "New Horizons", to Pluto for a jack at the planet & its 3 moons. The launch 'window' is between Jan 11 - Feb 2 next year, will take 9 1/2 years to get there, and will cost $650M. The probe won't hang around, however - there's no brakes! - and will continue on to explore the Kuiper Belt & neighbourhood. Way cool!

Christmas is a time of good cheer

Proof that even God hates them
Optimism springs eternal with geologists forecasting cataclysmic volcanic eruptions in Auckland. The good news is that it's likely to render the Queen city an uninhabitable hell-hole (not that much different from today, when ya think about it). The bad news is we'll have to wait for 5000 years till we pop the champagne corks. By my calculations, 5000 x 365 = ...... yay! only 1,825,000 sleeps until 'Christmas.' Let the countdown begin!

Great Danes
Good to see at least one Euro-weenie country grow a spine & stand up to religious bullies. Resurrecting the fighting Viking spirit, Denmark's press & govt have defied the thin-skinned protestations of Allah's army outraged over paper's cartoon depiction of their prophet. It's unimaginable that our craven, pussy-whipped msm could ever exhibit such fortitude. Their ovaries would rupture in an explosion of oestrogen. As for the women journalists... they'd be none too happy either.

Waipareira Warrior
None of that girly stuff from ex-parliamentary pugilist, John Tamihere, determined to worm his way back onto the board of the West Auckland trust. Like the scorned ex-lover that won't accept "it's over," JT resorts to dirty, underhanded, contemptible tactics - and takes fellow trustees to court. Shame! Since marae disputes are traditionally settled by drunken screaming matches, obscenities & fisticuffs, John's unseemly legal proceedings can only bring Maoridom into disrepute.

canine obedience school

Future Labour Cabinet Minister?
Whangarei school principal demonstrates novel method of enforcing discipline. Mum, not surprisingly, is performing the Mother Of All Hakas. I'd do exactly the same! What is it with teachers & stuffing mouths? It's all very "Freudian" if you ask me. I long for the good ol' days when we just got a whack on the a*se. Sure, the kid sounds like a future menace to society (biting his cohorts), but it's still pretty sick to put yucky, dirty things in people's mouths, imo... fellatio excluded.

Just wondering... about Trev Mallard accusing jockey, Lisa Cropp, of cheating by using methamphetamines. I mean, how can a rider taking speed make the horse go any faster? I don't get it.

White people are 'mutants'... (or possibly more 'evolved' than others) according to genetic research at Penn State Uni. Some time 20,000 - 50,000 years ago, one of the 3.1 billion letters in the human genome changed and "Hey Presto!!" - Pakehas were invented. Thank God, or we'd still be living in mud huts, wearing animal-skin loincloths and rubbing sticks to make fire. ('tip Ms L)

Giving moaning a bad name, are the whiners at Vic Uni whose research shows Maori are represented fairly in the media. Finding a cloud in every silver lining, they then complain our broadcasters are indifferent to "Maori values." Excuse me? What exactly is a Maori value and how do you portray one on the box? And why should (non-Maori) programmes have to comply with extraneous cultural mores, anyway?

Head of Maori School, Mr Adds, is worried M viewpoints might be belittled & claims more research is needed (academe-speak for "give us more money to indulge our own hobby-horses") to incorporate these yet-to-be-defined values into TVNZ's standards. He's further worried:

"the current legislation is so broad that Maori don't have grounds to complain about the portrayal of their values"

They can always switch the bleedin' thing off, that's what I do. Not coz of 'values' or lack thereof, but because of all the pure unadulterated CRAP they screen. Other than the reality shows, soaps & cartoons, there's nothing of quality on TV anymore.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out

Later, bro!
Mikey Cullen sighs with relief now that embattled Wananga head, Rongo Wetere, has bailed out after long, bitter, protracted squabbling with its Council, Ed & Govt officials. An auditor's report faulting him for:

"poor-decision making, inadequate management, & unacceptable practices in international travel & credit card expenditure"

But apart from that, he did a sterling job! He'll receive a (six figure?) going-away present, which, looks suspiciously like a 'golden handshake' - but a govt spokesman says otherwise so I'm obviously mistaken. Now, if only we can make a start on the rest of his family...

Updates:
* He'll receive a $120K payout. Nice work if you can get it!
* AG has a very interesting take on the matter.
* Te Paati Maori also offer a strange but nice press release. Most semi-bizarrish statement:

"TMP commends the way in which TWoA has become known for cultural diversity, for entrepreneurship, for nation-building. It has become the intellectual beacon to which the dis-enfranchised and the working classes have gravitated, as they strive to emancipate their minds from the mental poverty imposed upon them by mainstream educationalists"

Seems Dr Sharples read lots of Marx, Freire, Said (and Bob Marley) while at varsity.

Parliamentary Pork
The Hag gets a $30K pay rise plus $18K expenses. Perhaps they should add another 10 cents so she can buy a paper bag to put over her head. I'd probably vote Labour if she wasn't so gawd-dang Ugly. To be truthful, I've yet to actually look at her. Having read Greek Mythology, I know what happens to those unlucky enough to sight a gorgon. Good on Rodney for kicking up a stink:

"the pay rises would be a sick joke for New Zealanders"

He's clearly never met any of Rongo Wetere's family.

Orwellians for Peace
Another beneficiary of the State's largesse is Mr Brash, still smarting over the juvenile antics of those White Power fullahs. I'd probably vote National if they weren't opposed to free speech:

"There is no place in NZ for these kinds of threatening, inflammatory actions.. [by a] small fascist underbelly, hell-bent on causing division and destroying NZ's egalitarian ethos"

You can tell he plans to take all the fun out of Waitangi celebrations. Thank goodness he didn't get in! He's proof that it's not just the left who are full of pious, dictatorial preachers keen on squelching others' thoughts, opinions & feelings they disapprove of.

problems

Is anyone surprised?
The deranged Iranian prez denies the Holocaust happened. Boring! Don't those crazy rag-heads ever come up with new lines? Year in, year out, same old same old: no holocaust; biscuits made from babies' blood; Zionist protocols; illuminati... how passe! Ordinarily, we could ignore the unhinged rantings of a moooslim thug, brain-damaged from whacking his forehead too hard on the ground praying 5x a day - but a Nuclear Iran is a whole new, and far more dangerous threat. Why Tehran is not already a pile of glowing ashes 'neath a mushroom cloud, is beyond me. Just nuke 'em! That'll shut crazy-boy up for 5 minutes & we can all enjoy a little peace & quiet for a while.

BREAKING NEWS: Miss Auckland beauty pageant winner announced. Dang, those jafa-girls are so purdy!

"Who are the people in your neighbourhood?"
Memories of Sesame St on learning about posters inciting race riots, right here in yours truly's back yard. While thrilled to finally enjoy some entertainment in the otherwise drab, sleepy & unsalvageably grey bleakness that constitutes life in the Northern Suburbs, I'm saddened by the unfathomable stupidity of these exuberant - yet sadly misguided - young activists. Everyone Knows that J'ville (mainly) and Khandallah (especially) are already predominantly WHITE. How can you "reclaim" land that hasn't even been stolen yet? (not even Maori land protesters are this clueless). Another frightful indictment of our failed Ed system? Tell those geographic ignorami, it's Newtown & Porirua that needs the ethnic cleansing. Do I need to draw you a map?

Oh gosh, I wonder why the bloomers-wetting NZPA don't report on the four Sydney churches attacked by Muslims? Could it be our media lefties are too blinded by resentment of White Heterosexual Men, Christians, Bush, the US & Israel, to identify the real enemy? (i.e., Muslim Ragheads who have NO intention to peacefully co-exist, let alone assimilate, with Infidel culture). The real tragedy (IMO) of secularism is that it desensitizes folk to Religious Warfare. So called 'enlightened' Europeans have No Idea what they're up against! Spiritual Battles are forever! You can not appease, reason, placate, negotiate or compromise with a "faith" that declares you an 'enemy of God'. Maybe when the first (non-French govt ) act of terrorism explodes on kiwi soil, our peace-at-any-price gutless, yellow populace will obtain a clue. But I'm not holding breath...

Next!

He won't do that again...
Stan "Tookie" Williams becomes the 1000th scumbag executed in the States since the welcome return of Capital Punishment in 1976. Unusual for the (usually lenient) California, the Governor 'terminated' his final appeal for clemency. Expect an outpouring of liberal grief for the cold-blooded killer who murdered four innocents in 1979. The very same teeth-gnashers who probably never shed a tear nor condolatory thought for the victims or their families.

Update: Tookie is actually the 1001st death-row success story ('tip Kelvin).

ruled offside
The greedy NZ Rugby Union stymied by common sense judge (who knew we had any?) in their bid to own, control, exploit, and exclusively profit from our national icons that rightfully BELONG TO ALL KIWIS. First it was the haka, now it's the Silver Fern, what next? "Po Karekare Ana"? Get a grip, Mr Tew, and stop that distasteful mouth twitching thing you do when talking on TV.

Thank you, best US president ever, Mr. G. W. Bush, for ignoring enviro-crazies trying to wreck the world's economy becoz of their drug-addled socialist visions of ecological utopia. Thanks also, coz without even knowing it, you've got the NZH all panty-knotted, and I love watching screaming toddlers stamp their feet.

Oooh Yuck, give him the Tookie treatment!
A Labour voter busted in the US for self-pleasurement while driving in San Diego. He'll spend 1 year inside for sex offences. He should also be charged for Wreckless Driving. It's incredibly dangerous to wank & drive (unless you're in an automatic). I'm not saying driving shouldn't be a pleasurable experience, but Come On...!
Must be a Jafa, who learned his trade waiting in Akld's long traffic cues.

RIP, Bishop Max Takuira Mariu

Aue, taukuri e!

Kua hinga te totara nui i te Wao-nui a Tane-Mahuta.

Ka hemo a Pa Takuira.
Ko ia te assistant Bishop no te Diocese ki Waikato.

Maringi noa nga roimata
Ka ngau te mamae i ahau

Hoki atu, e Pa, ki te Kaihanga, ki to tatou Matua i te rangi.
Mana koe e manaaki e tiaki i nga wa katoa,
ake ake ake
Amene

Na, ka takoto te tupapaku ki Te Unga Waka (Tamaki) i te ra nei,
hei apopo, ka kawea ki Turangawaewae, ki Kirikiriroa
A, ka tae atu ki Little Waihi hei te Hatarei, tangihia ai.

Hei apiti atu: Ka poroporoakihia e Tariana.

Happiest Day of the Year!!

Guess what! Finally!

I met a Real Live American who voted for president Bush in the 2004 elections!

A woman from Boston (of all places) came to my door at home in J'ville (of all places) selling Pizza Hutt vouchers!!!! Just Now!!!!

Opened the door, saw it was a saleswoman, about to do the stern, gruff "not interested" routine & she goes "Hi, I'm..." in what immediately sounded like a Canadian accent. Being pushy and nosey:

"Are you Canadian?"
"No, I'm an American"
"Oh, where ya from"
"Boston"
"Who did you vote for in the election last year?"
[looking worried] "Bush"

I just went NUTS! Spent next 10 minutes fumbling with cheque book, I could barely write my name, I was so excited, constantly babbling to her about what a great President he is/ thanking her for voting/ how awful it is to live in an anti-Dubya country/ to tell all her folks back home she met Dubya's Biggest Fan/ how important Dubya is to me/ not all kiwis hate Dubya/ wasn't the election close/ she's the first Dubya-voter I've met in real life/ I can't believe I'm talking to a real, live Dubya-voting American citizen....

I kept saying: "I can't believe it's a Real American! I can't believe it's a Real American!" [i.e. Republican, patriotic American]. She musta thought I was a real dick! LOL - It was a real special moment! I can't believe it! A real live Dubya voter! Thank you, Lord! I thought I'd never have the pleasure to meet one!

War declared on Israel

Pita Sharples picks a fight with the Holy Land over logo on smoke packets. I'm not a political advisor, but If I were, I'd send the following memo.

TO: MP for Tamaki-Makau-rau

SUBJECT: Not getting our a*ses kicked

MESSAGE: Don't F*ck with Israel!

• they're tougher than us
• they got bigger guns than us
• they got more guns than us
• they've got G_d on their side

Hey mate - Peess off!

The multicultural dream unravels
Clearly upset over the loss of the 3rd One-Dayer, Sydneysiders attack Middle Easterners in riots that have the Diversity Drones despairing: "Why caint we all jus' git along?" Must have missed Anthropology 101. Ethnocentricism: we hate 'em coz we're better than they are, and the feeling's mutual. End of lesson. Why do so many refuse to acknowledge this most fundamental cultural principle?

Lucky I'm not there! I look 'Middle-Eastern' with my mulatto heritage. I don't mind being despised, but please, hate me for the 'right' reasons! I'm always being mistaken for an Arab. You wouldn't believe the filthy looks I got immediately after 9/11. Even more than the usual filthy looks I get as a scruffy, unkempt Maori with bad attitude & sour look on face. Fortunately, my natural born egomania means little time's ever wasted mulling others' opinions.

could try harder...
Our school exam marking cock-up keeps mushrooming with now 11 (possibly 12?) NCEA standards to be remarked. Bill English continues his gallant battle to slay Labour's Frankenstein-like creation currently wreaking havoc with our nation's future education. Thanks also Stuff website for informing us [like media outlets used to in the good ol' days] on this issue of great public concern. NZHerald, unusually quiet on a matter which makes Helen's govt look bad. Can't figure out why...

Grannies with attitude
Heart rending story of Grey Power as elderly petanque players deal to burglar at clubrooms. Never Underestimate the power of our national sporting ethos:

A very brave man, Bob Vernal, took him in a flying tackle and brought him down on asphalt...
saying he probably would have been red-carded for the elbow into the jaw tackle had it taken place on the rugby field

It's OK, Mr Vernal; replay shows you were on side! Well done! Player of The Year!
Police arrived to find intruder hog-tied by seniors. Yeehaw! Kick-@ss Kaumatua!